Gypsy Feet

Healing Begins

2010-11-10T04:51:00.000-05:00

Grace is messy.

Grace is beautiful.

Grace is a collision of God and humanity.

Grace is a million sparks flying in all directions as our imperfections are made perfect by God.

Grace is our darkness disappearing into His light.

Grace is where healing begins.

Check out one of my new favorite songs by an awesome group, Tenth Avenue North. It's called "Healing Begins" and it's all about the collision of God and man.

Love Letter to Skype

2010-11-08T10:08:00.000-05:00

Dear Skype,

I love you.

Seriously. You let me talk to my friends all around the world. I've had chat conversations on multiple continents going at the same time. I've been part of group chats that were all over the world - with some of the most amazing people I've ever met.

You also have this great feature where I can see that my friends are online. Even if we are busy and cannot chat, I get to see that they are online, somewhere in the world. That little icon next to their name shows me that they are alive, and at least have usage of their fingers, so they can type.

Skype, I also love that I can call phones. See, my family has yet to add you to their computer - I was going to help them when I was home, but time kind of was not on my side and I missed it. But, I can buy Skype credit and call any phone, anywhere in the world at a super low rate.

I even understand that I could pay a low monthly fee, and have a phone number where people all around the world could call - I could have a local to my US hometown number that folks could call and reach out to me with. I haven't done that yet (I'm cheap), but it's an epic option.

Skype, I just wanted you to know how much you are loved. You make my life awesome.

Love,

me

PS. Feel free to add me on skype: holly.l.brennan

Fireworks, Poppers, or the Audience - What Are You?

2010-10-14T02:51:00.000-04:00

In life, there are tons of people.

I've always thought of people as being one of three things.

First, let me take you to a 4th of July celebration. You have three things for sure -

1. Fireworks. They go off, are amazing, and make the crowd ooooohhhh and aaaahhhhh.

2. Small items - sparklers, or poppers - these things are small - but they involve action - when someone throws a popper at your feet, you move - fast. People spell their names with sparklers, wave them around like a cheerleader's pompoms.

3. the audience - they've come to see a show.

We can be any of those - some people just make the world take a breath and say wow......ooooohhh......aaaaahhhhh......

Others make them dance.

Others are there to be entertained.

Who are you?

PS. I'm a popper. I may fly under the radar a lot, but I try to inspire folks to action - make them dance. :

Reality

2010-08-23T13:30:00.000-04:00

Some things in life just change your perspective. They aren’t things that you look for. You don’t always go out and seek a reality check – it’s just something that comes as you are walking down the street of life, minding your own business, then reality pulls back her muscled arm and slugs you in the face.

It’s not always a bad thing – sometimes it’s epically good. Great, even.

And sometimes, it’s so painful, the images are burned in your brain. Forever.

A few times this past week, I’m 99.9% sure that I saw someone lying in the street, dead. As in, recently dead. A man, early on a Sunday morning – his motorcycle laid out on one of the major city roads. Today, as I was coming back to my apartment after going to night market, there was a motorbike vendor whose motorbike and cart had somehow tipped – a pair of horrified looking farangs (white people) stood right there, as some paramedics were working on the vendor, lying on the pavement beside the crumpled mess that had been a food cart.

Reality is ugly.

And it can happen fast.

Ever have something terrible happen to you? Your world spins around you, while your feet are glued to the ground. You feel helpless. You see the horror around you, and are incapable of preventing the onslaught. It’s a horrible, terrifying experience.

Ever see it happen to someone else, when everything within you aches to help them, but there is nothing that you can do? You realize that perhaps, you may have had the chance before, but you missed it. You hurt, realizing that perhaps you have failed.

But it’s a reality check.

Life is precious.

We have a limited number of moments to breath. To live. To laugh. To love. To SHARE. To know that we have made an impact in the time that we have.

Each moment is too precious to waste.

You never know when it will be you lying on the ground, expiring. Or, for that matter, when it will be someone you want to share the love of the Father with.

It’s reality.

Booksneeze Book Review: She Still Calls Me Daddy by Robert Wolgemuth

2010-08-11T08:32:00.000-04:00

I'm a book review blogger with Booksneeze, an affiliate of Thomas Nelson. This book was a complimentary gift in exchange for an honest review. If you'd like to get free books in exchange for an honest review on your blog and a major retailer, check out www.booksneeze.com.

So this book may seem like an odd choice for a 25 year old living overseas. However, this was an interesting perspective of life changes coming from the other person's eyes.

As a 25 year old female, there were a few things that I did not like. I felt like, in his attempt to be honest, he came across as a bit whiny. Maybe that's because I am a Myers-Briggs Thinker rather than a feeler, but it did not endear him to me as a human being.

Where he got me was in practicality. As a daughter who recently underwent a separation from family (not marriage, but moving to the other side of the world), it was good to see some of the other side; to know a little bit about what could be going through my father's mind as I left.

A daughter thinks of her father as being that person who can be turned to anytime, the one who kills spiders, who checks under the bed for monsters, or helps her learn how to ride a bicycle the first time. The transition from child to adult is a hard one - and not just for the child. The father must learn how to step back and watch the child he has helped raise for 18 or so years take those steps of utter independence and not rush in to fix any problems.

However, coming into adulthood means that everything changes - especially once the daughter is married. Daddy takes a different role - and how can both come into that with ease, helping the other make the transition?

Wolgemuth attempts to guide readers through some of the murky waters with his own experiences, as he watched his daughters grow and wed.

Overall, the book was good. It was a simple read, with an easy writing style. However, this book is not destined to become a classic on every family's bookshelf to turn to again and again.

That Sure Ain't Broccoli

2010-08-09T05:56:00.000-04:00

I made some broccoli today to snack on - you know, trying to be healthy. I don't care for it too much raw, so I microwaved it in some water to cook it first.

Well, here's a little something-something I found floating in the water after I finished.

You can be sure that ain't no broccoli. Oh, wormy-wormy ...

Music Monday - "Lead You to the Cross" by No Other Name

2010-08-02T11:09:00.000-04:00

So I heard of this group when I was working on a project for work - and looked them up, and fell in love with this video.

I posted it on my Facebook, but it's worth posting twice.

Taste and See

2010-08-01T23:25:00.000-04:00

So in house church, we were talking about how the Thai people need to taste and see the goodness of the Lord. They do not understand why they would need God, they are just kind of whatever about God and their need for him. They have no concept of sin, or their fallen nature.

So we were talking about an example that we could use - it made me laugh, because I basically speak in analogies. They are right up my alley.

Dr. Pepper is a hot commodity in Chiang Mai. Anytime a farang (white person) hears of it, they go out and buy it out for as much as USD $2 for a can. It's great stuff - there are days when it is sooooooo worth it. If you can find it.

Thais don't understand why we go to great lengths to obtain it.

That's because they've never tasted it.

They have no idea why we love it. Why we will stalk the export stores in hopes of finding it. Why we find it, and then send an SMS to all our friends saying we've found it, we know where the precious liquid is.

Well, they haven't tasted Jesus. They don't know the goodness of the Lord.

So we pray that they will taste the goodness of the Lord in some way, to where they will search Him out.

Ps. 34:8 - Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Epic Day

2010-07-31T12:50:00.000-04:00

So today was one of the most epic days ever. I slept in real good, got up when I was rested, went to the gym, ate some good for me green stuff (translation - salad), then went to hang out with Thai friends.

One of them is being super amazing and giving me guitar lessons. That girl is earning jewels in her crown in heaven, because I am a bit stupid. :) I do have to admit - I understand why the F chord is named just that. It's a beast to hit for a newtimer!

An even more awesome part of today - going and playing ultimate. I LOVE LOVE LOVE ultimate Frisbee, and have not had the chance to play in a while. See, before I left for my two month trip, it was hot season and definitely not the time to go outside and run around like a lunatic.

So today we went over in pouring rain - while the rain stopped right before we got there, it was so muddy on the field. I was ridiculously dirty - and I can bet my tennis shoes will never be the same again. Let's add cleats to the list of things to pick up from Amurica when I visit later next month.

After Frisbee, I got to go clean up, then my Thai friends and I ate dinner - I had chicken fried rice - and watched a movie. It was great - me and my buddy went on her motorbike and picked up the food from a streetside vendor. Got to go down the street and just feel the cool evening wind running by. I was so ready to just fly at that time - Dad, would you kill me if I got a motorbike?

It was just a great day, and I loved it. It's a day like this when you understand that you are living in a different country, with a different language, different transportation (a motorbike is like a corolla in the US - everybody has one!), different food - yet we're ALL the same, in a funny way.

Biggest Loser

2010-07-29T09:46:00.000-04:00

So it's funny story time.

I was in Indonesia, just walking down the street of a podunk town on one of the smaller Indonesian islands, when a female vendor just started smacking my butt. She started jabbering off in Bahasa Indonesian. Well, I'd been in the country less than a week, so I totally knew nothing about the language or what she might be saying.

Besides that, she was way in my personal space!

So I called our translator over. "E --- ! What is she saying? Translate please!"

Pat. Pat. Pat. Yep. Still smacking my behind.

E --- asked the woman to repeat what she'd said. E --- stood there listening a moment, then turned to me.

"She says you are very fat and need to go on a diet. Was that okay for her to say?"

Truly, a facepalm moment.

My roommate, T --- has had similar moments. It's just a cultural thing - people comment on the fact that we gain weight. Even if we've lost weight, or toned up, they comment that we've gotten fatter.

Learning to laugh is a hard thing. But we're making the most of it. This is a rough place for body image - even if I was anorexic, I could never be as skinny as all the little Thai girls. But that's no excuse to give up.

So we're going to have a "biggest loser" time for those of us who live here...we're not ridiculous, but just gonna have some fun. Now, when someone pats our behinds or comments that we're getting so fat, we can say, NOPE, I just lost xx% of my body weight!

Illiteracy

2010-07-28T23:38:00.000-04:00

One of the hardest things that I have had to deal with is going to sound a little silly - and you can feel free to laugh! But it's the complete illiteracy that kills me. Every where I go, I see the Thai language - those different characters written on road signs, businesses, in stores on items I might want to buy - it's everywhere! I know, it's Thailand, so that is totally expected.

After going to another southeast asian country for two months, I've felt the slip in my language - if I ever felt stupid before, I really do now. But there's good news - my boss has approved me getting back into language! That's some of the best news ever. :) Perhaps I'll be able to study one on one with a teacher and really progress and get into reading and writing. That would truly be fantastic.

Bowling with Friends

2010-07-26T11:08:00.000-04:00

Right now, there are a few friends from another region in this area for a visa run. It's nice to live here, we get to see a lot of folks on a fairly regular basis. I like it a lot - that means that we get the fun times going around with folks, taking them to the cool spots around Chiang Mai, and just enjoy time with single folks who are all out there working with other NGOs in Asia. It's pretty sweet.

Tonight we went bowling - and caught it with disco bowling, or something - there were black lights, glowing bowling balls, and remixes of popular songs. BTW - Dear Lilly Allen, please edit your songs. I don't want to hear the F word about a million times. K. Thanks.

We were bad kids and used the hand powder to cover each other with - we'd fill our hands with the stuff, and chase each other around, dusting each others faces and slapping it on each others clothes. Go figure that most of us would wear black - but my friend S-- was wearing a red embroidered shirt, and she probably got the worst of it. It was pretty nice, and good to take a few minutes to just hang out, relax, and laugh.

Music - "Light up the Sky" by the Afters

2010-07-25T23:45:00.000-04:00

I just discovered this song a few days ago, and absolutely love it. It's by the Afters, who are already some of my favorite musicians. I'm pretty stoked to share this one with you.

While this isn't an official music video, the song is GREAT.

Click here to watch "Light up the Sky".

Celebration

2010-07-25T03:41:00.000-04:00

For church, we meet with a small group every Sunday. We're all white people living and serving in a foreign land, taking the time to worship in our heart language. It's a blessing - we get to sing praise songs, hold each other accountable, celebrate successes/breakthroughs, and study the Word.

For our celebration time, we go around the room and state how many groups we've met with over the past week. How many people heard the name of Jesus. Today, with only 11 people in the room, over the past two weeks, there have been 81 groups.

That's right. 81. That's how many groups have heard the marvelous name of Jesus over the last two weeks.

This verse always comes to mind - someone shared it with me recently. John 4:35-36: "Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, then comes the harvest’? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest. Already the one who reaps is receiving wages and gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together." (ESV).

Now is the time of harvest. Now is the time where we go and claim what has been promised.

Pray for those who are out there, sowing abundant seed and reaping what others have sown. And don't be that person who says "4 more months....4 more months." Claim the harvest.

Sleep

2010-07-24T14:27:00.000-04:00

I wish I could sleep. I haven't slept well since I returned from two months traipsing all over another Southeast Asian country. I came back, and the next day began a week full of meetings.

I've been running full speed for a while now, but am unable to get myself back to where I need to be. I mean, it's 1.23 am, and I am sitting here at my computer, hating myself for the fact that I am not resting like I should, but still, if I were to go lie down right now, I'd be scrutinizing shadows in the room, completely unable to sleep.

It's getting old. Really old.

Page a Day

2010-07-24T05:20:00.000-04:00

When I came to Southeast Asia, one of the favorite things that I packed was a page a day calendar – “Stuff White People Like.” It’s full of daily snarky things that make it a delight to wake up and change the page. I never know what kind of sarcasm may greet me, or how it may make me stop and say…wait a second, I do that!

Needless to say, tearing that page off is a highlight - I never know what kind of thing I will read the next day. I do know this - it will be something short, and interesting.

Well, I have messed up a bit with my blogging. It should be like a page a day. You click to come to my page, and read a short little something and then go on with your day.

I'm gonna work on it, and make sure you have a page each day to rip off.

Stuff Christians Like Massive Guest Posting

2010-04-06T10:08:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I got a pretty cool package from Amazon. It was *drum roll please!* my copy of Jonathan Acuff’s book Stuff Christians Like! I’ve been reading his blog for about two years and was pretty delighted when he announced that a book would be coming out. I promptly pre-ordered it and waited practically forever for it to come to Thailand.

It was perfect timing, because today is his massive guest posting for “Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian?” He emailed specific point value to different folks to post on their blogs.

Ladies and gentlemen, here’s #87: During one of their performances they roll up their sleeves in a dramatic fashion, a la “Our God is an Awesome God” = + 1 point

To add up your score with over a 130 other ideas on this scorecard, visit stuffchristianslike.net.

Thanks for coming by and visiting Gypsy Feet!

There's Always at Least One Day Like This

2010-03-13T00:52:00.003-05:00

I’d heard that everyone who moves to a foreign country has a crappy day every once in a while. That everyone has an “I hate this country day” and a “why did I ever come here” kind of day. I’d heard about it, and seen people have it.

I was determined not to be that person.

Until a few weeks ago, I didn’t think I was going to be that person. I mean, I had nearly two months under my belt. I love Thai food, so no complaints there. I could easily do without a burger and fries for two years, no problem – though I don’t have to – every day, I pass a small burger joint called “Mike’s Burgers and Fries.” (I haven’t been tempted yet – just the smell coming out of that place is enough to make one gain 5 pounds).

On this fateful day, I was getting ready to start some hard core work – after language, I stopped at the mall here and picked up a wall map of a few southeast asian countries to decorate my cubicle wall. On the way back, the road was dreadfully congested. But that’s natural – traffic rules seem to be more the stuff of myth and legend rather than actuality. I came close to several vehicles through the course of the road, but navigated the jungle successfully – or so I thought.

I arrived back at my apartment, and just piddled around for a moment. Started my computer, scavenged some leftover food from the refrigerator for lunch (which, I must add, my refrigerator has little food – it focuses far more on water bottles. We have enough water to survive a nuclear holocaust, but would starve to death if that actually happened). Rather than staying in my apartment to heat my food, I went up one floor to a friend’s apartment, which I had the keys to. I like their toaster oven far better than mine.

I got to the top of the stairs and the security guard was standing right outside the door. “Are you looking for someone?” I asked.

He looked confused. “You drive Honda?”

“Yes, I did,” I told him.

“Come with me.”

I put my food in the room, rather than taking it down with me. We rode the elevator downstairs in a totally awkward silence. When we got to the lobby, he beckoned towards an angry-looking woman standing there.

“Saa wat dii kha” I said, the traditional Thai greeting. “What’s going on?”

I was thoroughly bewildered, I might add.

This woman looked angry. “You bumped me.” She said, rather loudly.

Now, let me give you a side note here. Thailand is the land of smiles. Thai people speak softly, and they don’t yell ever. So to have a Thai woman basically yelling at me took my off guard. That just doesn’t happen; it’s losing face.

“What do you mean, ‘I bumped you’?” I asked.

“Come.”

She took me to the front of my car, which, I might say here, is battered from years of use. I’ve looked at it many times and thought you’d never be able to tell if someone hit something with it.

“See?” she said, triumphantly, pointing to the front bumper. “You bump me!”

Every bit of Thai I knew flew out of my head as I attempted to explain that surely I had not bumped her. The mix of English was not helping – every English word I spoke deepened the frown on her face. She looked angrier every moment, and insisted again, when I finished, that I had bumped her.

“Where’s your car?” I asked. She pointed to a songtaew out in the small street in front of the apartments.

I wracked my brain, trying to think when on the street I had last seen a songtaew. It had been several blocks, from what I last remembered. So this woman would have had to follow me for quite some time. And, if she had followed me, traffic had been so bad so that she surely could not have been right behind me (trust me, I’d notice if there was a songtaew on my tail). So she’d have had to search for me. Plus, I’d been home for a good fifteen minutes, more time for her to get angrier about this situation.

And I wasn’t making it any better by being stupid. It was time for professional help.

I have a friend, C, at the office where I study Thai who speaks excellent Thai. So, with my angry songtaew friend standing right there, I called C, and explained what had happened.

“Hold on a moment,” C said. “I’ll have one of the Thai staff speak to her. That would be better than me talking to her.”

So I handed the phone to this woman. She exchanged some sharp words, and then, I could see her calming down. Finally, she handed the phone back to me. I could hear a little bit of the Thai woman on the phone explaining what my “friend’s” story was – apparently I had hit her, and you could see songtaew paint all over the front bumper of my car, and that her songtaew was damaged, and she needed money for the incident.

C came on the phone. “She says that you hit her with your car, and wants a thousand baht to pay for damages,” he said. “Do you have that?”

“Yes.” I had that – it’s the equivalent of a little more than $30 USD.

“Go ahead and pay her,” C said. “Since it’s such a small amount, it’s worth it to pay it and be done with the situation. Make sure you give her some kind of receipt and have her sign it. Take a picture of the damage if you can, okay?”

“I can do that,” I said. “But C, I’d think I’d have felt it if I’d hit her.”

“Right,” he said. “Maybe you did, and maybe you didn’t. Perhaps she saw your car, and mistook it for someone else. Like I said, it’s worth the cost just to make this situation alright.”

I hung up the phone, told her I’d be right back (again, using my limited Thai mixed with English), and ran upstairs to get the money, make a receipt, and get my camera.

She signed the paper, and seemed to calm down when I handed her the thousand baht bill. I took the picture, and she went on with her day.

Now, when I write this at least two weeks later, it doesn’t seem so bad. But that day, it was pretty bad. I’d been followed to my apartment, yelled at by a Thai person, and paid for something I was certain I didn’t do. I just didn’t handle it well that day. I didn’t want to go home, per se, I just didn’t want to be in Thailand. I just got in bed and slept all afternoon, and ate some very America food that evening.

Lest you think that it was all bad, I’ve gotten some great jokes out of it. I leave sticky notes on my friend’s cars saying “I BUMPED YOU!!!” When I got to language school the next day, people had already heard about it. We stood around my car and searched for the red paint that she said was on my car. It wasn’t. I told them that I hadn’t been out scrubbing it off my car at midnight after that.

And, the next day, I was back to my chipper “I love Thailand” self. And I love Thai people, and the Thai language and culture, and anything Thai. It was just one of those fluke events that was good for me to go through. I was blessed that it wasn’t worse – what if she’d wanted 10,000 baht? What if I hadn’t had someone to call who spoke Thai? What if I hadn’t been there and she’d been at the apartment complex all day looking for me and I walked back in there and run into her? The possibilities for this to be worse are endless.

I share this with you in hopes you get a chuckle out of it. Everybody has a bad day, whether it be something simple, or bigger. I didn’t think that I was going to have such a bad day here – and sure enough, I did. And you know what? I realized that it’s okay. And, I've only met one Thai person like this in my more than two months here, so that's a pretty good batting record.

Oh – and you wanna see the picture?

Sights & Sounds & Simple Lack of Communication

2010-02-21T03:33:00.001-05:00

I’ve been here for a while, and it struck me that I have not even yet described the place where I am. Shame, shame on me. My intentions are always good, the carry-out tends to be more so-so. I’ve been keeping a mental journal, and really need to be writing it all down.

I live in a city in Thailand. It’s the 2nd largest city in the country, so I am in a fairly urban place. When the airplane landed, I could see two things in the dark: street lights casting round pools of light along the roads, and the starts in the sky – actually the same as the ones at the sky at my former home. I had to smile as I thought to myself that the first thing that I saw and noted were constants that I’ve always looked for no matter where I am.

Many people notice smells first. New countries smell – well, different. Every place has a different smell – I bet America smells pretty funky to people who visit the first time. I’ve identified many a place by it’s smell. But not so much here. The smells haven’t bothered me – either that, or I just don’t notice them. Well, I lie. I certainly noted smells at the fish market in Bangkok, and the squattie pottie in my apartment certainly smelled at first – but then I dumped a bucket of water in it and I don’t even notice it anymore.

I notice sounds. Birds chirp incessantly – and not just the birds that I’m used to. They sing a wild, tropical tune. One bird call sounds incredibly like a peacock, though I have yet to see one here. Stray cats abound. One in particular sounds like it’s being brutally murdered every night – it yowls as though a giant hand is squeezing it. However, it must escape, because I am always treated to an encore recital the next night.

When I walk out and see people, I like to hear them speak. My understanding of what it’s like not to understand what others are saying has expanded. I can hardly hear anything that I know – I hear words and sounds here and there, but cannot follow a conversation. Meeting another English speaker is always a highlight – we can have a full conversation and understand the whole thing. Ladies language is more drawn out and fluid – men speak with clipped sentences. It makes me think of fundamental differences between men and women. Some women like to talk and talk, while men say just what they need to say and then are done.

We keep our windows open because this time of year is nice. That means cacophony outside my window always exists. If it’s open mike night at the karaoke bar on the street adjacent to my apartment, I will be treated to a bad cover of Sixpence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me.” Or, like the other night, they will sing “Happy Birthday” five times in a row without stopping for a breath between each song. I’ve heard many interesting singers lately.

I think that’s part of why my ipod gets a lot of playtime. I have a pair of cheap portable speakers that I use a great deal. Little did I know the day I bought them at a Sunday School penny auction that they would get used so much. The person who donated them would probably be pretty amazed at the usage time they are getting. Songs uplift my spirits, and can be crucial in helping drown out bad karaoke.

The street upon which I live is a major place where I can find everything I need. Convenience stores line the way, and many vendors hawk their wares – baskets, pork on a stick, sticky rice, or papaya salad. The streets perpetually smell like food – some dishes better than others. I thought I’d have an iron stomach here – I wasn’t so sure the day I was confronted with a soup with chunks of congealed chicken blood. I’m almost embarrassed to say this, but I didn’t eat any of the congealed chunks. Bring on the bugs, but I draw the line on ingesting blood.

Multiple small shops line the way, selling trendy clothes that I will probably never be able to wear, even if I lost 60 pounds. Decorative water fountains splash water over the sidewalks in front of massage parlors. There are at least two 7-11s on this road – believe it or not, 7-11 convenience stores have quite the stronghold in Thailand and appear on nearly every other corner here.

The streets are not bad for a foreign road. The sidewalks are rather bumpy – I’m not the most graceful person on sidewalks smooth as glass, so I trip frequently. It’s not bad; if I can’t at least be a graceful person, I can take my frequent trips and falls gracefully. I think I’m getting used to it; I walk with my eyes downcast and step over the potential trip hazards. I’m getting better and better with it as the days progress – practice makes perfect, eh?

I have to confess that I had very little culture shock. Mayhap that is because I moved so much when I was younger. Uprooting and going to a new place is not a source of stress for me – I embrace it as an adventure. I look forward to exploring all around every day. Different foods and different people and different ways of life are no problem. I mean, I’ve never had anything as drastic as a new country – though a move from the south to the “north” could be grounds for culture shock, right? I guess that once again, every moment of my life has prepared me for such a time as this.

I realized this week that I’ve really been lax about telling folks about the simple things. I haven’t answered a lot of the questions that folks may feel dumb asking, or may just wonder about. So please do ask questions. I’m thinking of having a weekly post that addresses any reader questions (or if no one asks anything, a question that I think would be interesting). So please do feel free to ask, and I’ll do my best to answer.

I have one last confession – I have been tracking the hits from my blog. So far, the United States wins with the most hits. However, I’ve had folks from at least 19 countries come and visit. So if you’re one of ANY of my readers, I want to thank you for joining me on my adventures. Please continue to do so; we've got some great times ahead.

Many Methods = One Language Learned

2010-02-14T04:59:00.007-05:00

Learning a new language is one of the hardest things that I think that I may have ever done.

Maybe.

I just wanted to share a few things that I am doing in order to help me learn the language better.

1. Watch cartoons / movies

This is a screen shot from a tom and jerry kids cartoon. It’s dubbed in Thai, so I can see the action and hear the Thai, and gather from what’s happening on the show what the words must be. Context teaches a lot – I can hear stuff that is familiar, and then use what I know to figure out that which I do not know. I also have Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. I’ll be buying more as time goes on.

2. Study

I have a LOT of books to help me. In class, we are learning Thai with phonetics, using English letters. However, if you’ve looked at Thai, it’s not written with English letters. That means, even if I am able to speak Thai, I won’t be able to read it or write it. So I’m doing a lot of studying on my own.

3. Spend time with Thai people

Duh. You want to learn a language, you talk to people who know it better than you do. And who better to know Thai than the Thai people? Just sayin’. This is not a hard thing to do, trust me.

4. Find creative ways to learn and practice.

This is, by far, my favorite. I love creativity, and using time wisely. Look at the picture and just tell me you wouldn’t be learning new vocabulary using this method?

BTW – yes, that is from my bathroom. And yes, that is vocabulary written on my wall. In fact, the rest of the bathroom looks pretty much the same. I use a dry erase marker to write down all the new vocabulary that I’ve learned, and use every spare moment to practice.

That’s a few of the methods I’m using. Any suggestions from you all?

Your Turn to See What I See

2010-01-26T01:32:00.004-05:00

I just realized that I have posted some photos to Facebook, but that I have woefully neglected my blog. So here are some pictures so that you can see some of the things that I get to see all the time.

Enjoy.

Riding in the back of a songtaow. It's one of the most frequently seen forms of transportation around here.

At Wat Pho, (in Bangkok) home of the giant reclining Buddha. (Sorry about the odd angle.)

A typical street in my area. Well ... maybe not so typical. There's not enough cars by the side of the road for it to be typical. :)

That's all I've got for the moment. Pictures take a LONG time to load. Let me know if there is anything in particular that you want to see and I'll try to get a picture. :)

Learning Phonics All Over Again

2010-01-25T03:44:00.001-05:00

I started language school last week. In Thailand, people speak the Thai language. Written, it looks like this:

เพราะว่าพระ เจ้าทรงรักโลก จนได้ทรงประทานพระบุตรองค์เดียวของพระองค์ที่บังเกิดมา เพื่อผู้ใดที่เชื่อในพระบุตรนั้นจะไม่พินาศ แต่มีชีวิตนิรันดร์

That’s John 3:16, just so you know.

Spoken, it’s a lovely language. It’s very musical, and has a nice, soothing sound to it. It’s gentle. Graceful. Easy to listen to.

Hard for me to understand.

Coming overseas has been hard, because I like to be able to talk to people. With the fact that most people here speak very limited English (though I have been so impressed with the English that they do have – it’s amazing!), I’ve not had a lot of conversations with Thai people. There are times when you get to a certain point, and both of you have exhausted your vocabulary, and you sit there and look at each other. Thankfully, my roomie and I talk all the time, but then again, we talked a lot during our training time too.

I want to talk to Thai people too.

So right now, I am in language school. It’s pretty cool. We’ve been working on the sound of tones, and letters.

This past week, I have learned 21 vowel sounds: long and short vowels, and diphthongs. I have learned a variety of consonants, and how they vary from English. It’s a bit tricky, since there are a few sounds that we really don’t have in English.

The trickiest part, however, and what makes it so different from English, is that the language has tones.

I can explain this well for musical people. For the rest of you, well, I can’t help you there. Think of tones like this: imagine standing in front of a grand piano, and you plunk your finger down on a middle C. That would be a low tone.

Then, you go up to an E. That would be a mid tone.

Go up to G. That would be a high tone.

But wait – there are two more tones.

There’s the rising tone. Start at the middle C, and scoop up to G (I know, we’re not supposed to do that).

Last of all, there’s the falling tone. Start at the G, and slide right down to the C.

Now naturally, not everyone speaks at the same pitch, so there is variety in what everyone’s tones sound like. But that’s just the simplest way I could think of to be able to explain tones.

There are eight of us in our class. We’re a pretty typical class according to our teacher. We have good days and bad days. We have times when we hear nothing, and times when we get everything right. We’re progressing, and as with all things, it will take time, patience, and practice.

I guess that the hardest thing is the fact that now I understand many of the sounds of the Thai language, and when I hear people speaking around me, I know what tone/sounds they are using. But the words that they are saying are meaningless. That is hard.

Please do remember me and my class as we learn the language.

Email Updates

2010-01-25T03:03:00.000-05:00

A lot of you have probably not gotten my emailed updates from the other side of the world. I’m trying to get an email out once a month at least during my time here.

It’s nice to have a blog to check and all that, but a nice email in your box is even better.

Lately, I've been having trouble with all my email addresses (I've not gotten my old address book cleaned out, and I really don't want to be spamming people). The last email that I sent out to went to pretty much everyone in my address book, which included a blog I'd won something from, a recruiting executive, and who knows who all else. I'd rather not spam anyone.

With that in mind, I have created an online spreadsheet for gathering info.

Can you all go and input your name and email address so that I have the information? You'll need to do that for certain if you HAVE NOT received any of my update letters. If you've gotten them, you're fine.

Click =====> here.

If you know anyone who would be interested in signing up for updates, please direct them to the link rather than forwarding the emails. There are security issues, so I will ask you to be careful what information is being disseminated all over the world.

Thanks. I really appreciate hearing from folks like you all when I am way over on the other side of the world!

Love Them Like Jesus

2010-01-11T11:53:00.000-05:00

So the first few days here, I had a lot to say – and you read about it here. Everything was very new and exciting. I got to eat lots of new food. Jet lag was almost non-existent (I had a super easy transition). I looked on everything as an adventure, with fresh eyes that have not seen any of this culture before. I greeted people with my simple “Sa wat dii kah” and they greeted me back. I found that you could eat a filling meal for less than a dollar – if you like Thai food. People smiled at me, were eager to try their few English words with me.

Last night, Tessa and I went to the Sunday night market. Basically, the streets for several blocks close and people hawk their wares. There were hand-crafted purses, bedspreads, jewelry, clothing, trinkets of all kinds, and street food galore.

But what struck me the most were the beggars who sat on the ground throughout the market. They were maimed. One man had stubs for feet. One girl had no fingers. Another woman was mentally handicapped, yet guarded her tin cup with a few lone coins with vigilance. One woman had no eyeballs, just a few pink slits in her face where her eyelids did not close over empty sockets.

These people held cups in front of them, their feeble cries asking for help as the world walked by, disregarding their hapless cries.

I’d been warned that I would see this. I’ve been told that there are other areas of the world that are far worse, where you cannot walk a step without having small starving children cling to you, their forlorn eyes beseeching you to just give them one bite of bread so they can live one more day.

When I see people like this, I think about Jesus. He walked the earth, ministering to the lowly. To the most distasteful. To the ones that no one else would look at, those who were passed by. Jesus loved them. Jesus fed them. He gave them living water to drink; he gave them hope. He reached out to those that others would not dare to even touch as they passed them by.

It’s easy to romanticize the Bible and make it all pretty in our minds. But think about it: the lepers Jesus healed could have had body parts falling off because of their disease. Jesus brought Lazarus back to life, when Martha protested that his body stank. Surely dust crumbled through the room when the paralytic’s friends made a hole in the roof to lower him through. We think of Jesus in spotless robes of white, ministering throughout Galilee.

I doubt that Jesus had a glamorous ministry. Philippians tells us that Jesus lowered himself. He made himself of no consequence. Now if there was ever someone at the top of the totem pole, it was Jesus. And he became nothing, to minister to sinners. Why? Read John 3:16: "For God so loved the world ... "

Think about that.

God loved us so much that he gave the ultimate sacrifice – himself. He cared for our needs. He knew our depravity. He knew that we would question him and his love when we were in the furnace. He knew that we would reject him. That we would choose other gods before Him.

Yet he loved us.

I look at the faces of these beggars and wonder at the love of God. These are some of the most unlovely creatures that I have seen – yet they are beautiful in the eyes of our Savior.

I pray that I can love them, even in the tiniest of ways, in such a way that they see the love of the Savior.

Creep and Peep (No, This is Not a Dubious Post)

2010-01-07T12:12:00.000-05:00

Today was a fantastic day. Tessa and I got one of our most exciting possessions so far in Thailand – a car. It’s a 92 Toyota Corolla, and let me just tell you, I think that I heard the Hallelujah chorus go off in my head when the guy getting it to us told us that it was an automatic with power steering. I mean, how good can life get, eh?

Let’s just say, I was pretty excited, because for the last few months, after my explorer died, I’ve been driving a 97 Corolla, so this car is pretty much the same thing. I’m very comfortable with it.

Let me tell you a few things about driving in Thailand.

There is a lot of traffic. And when I say traffic, I mean a decent amount. It’s also crazy because of songtaows, tuk-tuks, and the thousands (literally!) of motorcycles everywhere. Songtaows stop to pick up people all the time, tuk-tuks just go relatively slowly, and the motorcycles are EVERYWHERE. You can’t hardly go anywhere without one right by you.

The best piece of advice that I got about driving in Thailand is "Creep and Peep." While that sounds awkward, it makes good sense. Creep along, and don't make any sudden movements. Motorcycles dart out of nowhere. People actually do a great job of driving around here. I mean, I did fuss a little and yell "MY ROAD" once, but that was because the dude was trying to pull out in front of me. Tessa can testify to that. "Peep" refers to the fact that you just have to take it slowly as you turn, and just move forward and peep out into the traffic, to see what's coming.

See, while there are policemen here, the word is that you will get pulled over only for helmet violations. I saw a little bit of proof tonight: I was at a stop light, and it was red. There was a police station right at the corner (although it did look like it could be unmanned). People were just running the red light anytime it was clear, not even waiting. Motorcycles will pass in whatever lane they want. They will pass on both sides of you, whether there is room or not. So far, the most that I’ve seen on a motorcycle is three, but two is most common.

Ah, but I have forgotten the most important part. We drive on the “wrong” side of the road. And, to add a new twist to it, the driver is on the opposite side of the car. Confused? It’s great fun. We just remember that the driver is always on the yellow dividing line, and that helps us remember. See, I realized this when I arrived here in Thailand. I was going to ride to my apartment with Casey, and she walked up to what was the passenger seat, and opened the door. I was walking towards that door, thinking, ‘holy cow, I have been up for at least 30 hours, there is no way that she’s thinking of having me drive the second that I get in the country.’ Well of course not. Dur.

It’s definitely a different experience being on the other side of the road. I kind of like it – actually, I fit in well with the drivers here. I think that poor Tessa was a good bit impressed at how like the Thai drivers I am (still trying to figure out if that is good or bad – I’ll take it for what it’s worth).

Tessa and I have decided that we must name him – we’re not sure yet what we will name him, because nothing that we have attempted yet has fit, but I’m sure there will be a magical moment at some point where we will just know.

As far as the rest of today – we went and worked on our work permits. We have to gather a bunch of documents so that we can actually do something while we are here. While this is a great place, and there’s lots of cool stuff to do, we really do need to buckle down and do something.

For lunch Tessa and I went to a place called Black Canyon Coffee. We met a girl from America named Natalie, and got to talk to her for a while. It was nice to be able to hear and understand the entire conversation. I liked it, and we swapped numbers, so we may see more of her.

We also went to 3BB to see if we could get internet. That’s one of the internet companies that is frequently used here. When we went there, we were presented with bills from our previous tenants – there were three month’s worth of charges that needed to be paid. While each one is an average of a thousand baht, that's still a bit surprising to get. Perhaps they moved out, and somehow the internet didn’t get turned off. While it is a comfort to know that we can have internet in our room, it’s still another hoop to jump through. I think that it was a neat opportunity to work on keeping face - something that I will talk about more in depth eventually.

See, right now, Tessa and I sit in the lobby of our apartment building and use the internet. However, especially as we begin work, internet in our room will help a great deal so that we can work in our office (yes, we have one in our apartment) without being disturbed by people coming in and out of the lobby.

Things are coming together nicely, and we should be starting language school next Monday. We’ve really, truly been blessed over here – it’s utterly fantastic!

Thanks for all the little notes of encouragement. Ya’ll are fantastic, and I love you tons.

Day One Means Just Getting Started – With a Vengeance

2010-01-05T10:20:00.000-05:00

This morning, around 3 AM, I arrived in Chiang Mai. Apparently, I was in Seoul, Korea, for the worst snowstorm they have had in years. It delayed us from leaving for quite some time: it was at least two hours. Most of that time we were waiting in the plane.

See, I feel like I can legitimately add Korea to the list of countries I’ve visited. Most folks say that they’ve been to a country, but only been in an airport terminal. That doesn’t count, really. Because of the snow, they didn’t bring the planes all the way to the terminal – they brought them to a certain point, and then we took a bus out to the plane. To get on the bus, we had to walk on Korean soil.

Huzzah. It’s legit. Not only was I on Korean soil, I got to be in the snowstorm of the year! G-d’s just funny about stuff like that.

So I get on the plane, and I was in first class. Never been in first class before, so that was an experience. First of all, the first thing that they do is offer you alcohol, which everyone else around you drinks like it is water. That meant that the guy next to me was drunk before we even got to take off – he had two glasses of champagne and three whiskeys. In fact, during takeoff, he got up and was heading for the bathroom. It was kind of funny, watching the attendant usher him back to his seat.

However, he was a little loosened up, so he wanted to talk. However, he didn’t speak English, so he kept calling the flight attendant over and using her as an interpreter. Our conversation was fraught with miscommunication, though – he somehow thought I had a boyfriend, and I don’t know what else. It ended with him wanting to take me and all my friends out to a traditional place for a traditional dinner. This was my first experience with language barriers, and I am sure that it won’t be my last!

I had the best welcoming committee ever. My roomie, Tessa, came, and my work partner, Casey came. Along with them came another friend, so it was a great 3 am welcoming. I have to admire their guts in staying up like that!

We had a slow start this morning – got up late-ish (9 am) and explored the apartment more. I’m going to write a post about my apartment (with pictures), so I’ll skip that.

We went out for lunch at a little street market vendor. It cost less than a dollar for an AMAZING meal. Here, it’s cheaper to eat out than eat in. I really think that I can handle that. No dishes for two years? Absolutely. :)

After that, Tessa and I went to a traditional coffee place, Wawee, and got iced coffees, which beat Starbucks any day. We then went and checked out the mall. It was a little too far away to walk, so we took a songtaew, which is basically a truck with a cap, and seats in the back. We paid 20 baht (for comprehension, there are about 34 baht per US dollar), and were able to ride to the mall. It was great fun, and our driver was a little crazy. He liked his accelerator!

We found phones at the mall. There’s a monthly service that we want to get, but we have to have work permits to get that. We’ve got to get those going in the next few days, so it will be a little while. In the meantime, Tessa and I have our phones charging and we each got a SIM card and usage cards that will hold us over in the time being.

Then we went and checked out the other mall, on the other side of town. We rode in a songtaew with a bunch of high school girls. One spoke English, and it was neat to be able to communicate well.

At this mall, we went to a grocery store, and I got a few basic items: shampoo, conditioner, a few Thai treats for later. :) We ate some great chicken and rice after shopping – while a band was playing and singing American oldies. It made me chuckle to hear a Thai band singing “Blue Suede Shoes” and “La Bamba.”

Then Tessa and I walked back to the apartment complex (the second mall is a little closer than the first), and have been catching up on the net with folks. It’s been a really good day. I do have to say, it feels like I've been here more than just 19 hours, I've been so busy!

I think that jet lag will not be so bad. I’m trying to just get on a good schedule so that when I start language school next week, I’ll be ready.

I’ll try to get pics of the apartment up tomorrow.

Now, as the Thais say, Sah Wat Dii Kah!

Can’t Escape the Cold White Stuff

2010-01-04T03:33:00.000-05:00

Today (and I use this term loosely, because I think that I am on hour 30 or more for this day), I’ve been traveling overseas, to go to my new home in Chiang Mai, Thailand. First off, I have to thank all who have been prying, because I could not have asked for smoother flights, connections, or whatever. I have had to go in and out of security at every single airport that I’ve been to (Reagan, O’Hare, Seoul, and Chiang Mai tomorrow), and it has been smooth as melted butter.

Packing and preparing to go has been good. I realized, on Saturday, that it would cost basically the same thing to have an entire extra bag than to pay overweight fees, which I was certainly facing, so I got another suitcase and repacked everything. Even as it was, I was still 2 pounds overweight on two of the three suitcases, but we were able to take care of that right away. :) It’s surprisingly hard to pack two years worth of stuff!

Not to mention that I left the album that I spent most of new years’ day working on at home. I realized that after we had driven 45 minutes. Trust me, I felt like throwing up. Secretly, it was a ploy for a care package. ;)

All of my flights were nice and smooth. The one from Reagan to O’Hare was easy. When we landed in O’Hare, it was 1 measly degree. There was snow everywhere. Ugh.

Have I mentioned that I am not a cold weather person?

Then, we went on my 14 hour flight from O’Hare to Seoul. Guess what? There is snow all over the ground. We took a while taxi-ing, because we had to deal with snow all over the runways. I am even now, watching snowplows run over the runways, clearing them up.

I can’t get away from the stuff!

I’m waiting a few hours for my next flight to Chiang Mai, which will end this trip for now. I’m really ready for it – I’m ready to go get settled and not have to carry my ridiculously heavy backpack (I’m carrying MANY books!) as well as my duffel bag. I’m also ready to see the evening. Since we flew from East to West, it’s been light the entire time. I haven’t really slept since Friday night. I’ve had snatches on the flights, but not good rest.

I’m excited to go join my roomie, Tessa. We were roommates during our training time, so it’s awesome that we get to room together overseas too. It’s just reassuring that I’m going to be meeting up with someone who’s seen me have a meltdown at 4 AM before, so it’s SAFE to be around her.

I’ll update more from Thailand. Not much longer! Thanks for all your pryrs. I know they are being offered – I can tell.

The Scent of Mexico

2009-10-30T19:47:00.001-04:00

I could smell it all day. Can’t explain it, but it must have been in the air. All day, I could smell Mexico.

It’s significant, really. A year ago today, I was testing my call to foreign ministry (I put Gideon to shame with the number of fleeces that I set out). I was in Mexico with a small (4 people) group from my church. We were there for a follow up trip from a larger group that had gone at the end of the summer, and we were working with the people that we had begun to reach out to.

On Thursday, the last day of the trip (it was October 30, 2008), I was sick as a dog. I mean, I was lying in bed, and pretty much couldn’t move. I puked my guts out, and was forced to stay in bed. I was pretty upset in a way: I mean, not everyone gets to go to a foreign country, and then for me to be in a foreign country and confined to my bed – well, that seemed to be a little too much for me. Yet, at the same time, I was absurdly happy. I knew that I was where I was supposed to be. It was when I was puking and not completely upset about it that I knew I was where I was supposed to be (I do not take sickness gracefully).

It was the next morning when I was better (early on Friday, October 31), and we were traveling that I finally voiced the call that had been burning in my heart. I was sitting in the Mexico City airport at 4 something in the morning, and was drinking a bitter cup of Dunkin’ Doughnuts coffee and eating half of a Boston Cream doughnut, talking to my pastor to find out overseas opportunities to do this kind of thing forever.

I think that he knew that I was serious.

Of course, I was, because here I am now, preparing to be sent out. While at this time, I’m only going for a two year term, my ultimate intention is that this be a long term thing. Seminary may be in my future, extending my term would be awesome, continuing on the other side of the planet forever would be even more amazing.

I’m not too fussed about where I’m at; I just know that I need to be there.
See, it breaks my heart to deal with the thought of this: people ask all the time, ‘what about the unsaved folks we’re leaving behind here?’ Well, not to sound callous, but it could be safe to say that many of them have had the chance to hear and accept or reject the good news. Yet there are people in countries overseas who have never heard the name of J-sus Chr-st. Never heard the g-spel. Never even had the “chance” to accept or reject. If I feel that it is my call to go, then I MUST go.

Wow, I get a little fired up.

We need heralds here, however, so before you get your dander up about my apparently fatalistic words, remember that. We need a ch-rch that is living and growing, discipling others to step in and create other ch-rches of their own; living and growing ch-rches. Preparing for others to go spread the word and herald the good news.

Back to my original train of thought.

I thought about Mexico most of the day. I thought about the people who I’ve met there. I thought about being out on the streets, talking in my limited language to the people. I thought about meeting in their homes, studying the gospel together. I thought about stopping people on the streets to give them salvation bracelets. I thought about the hopelessness that many of the people were trapped in. The lies that they were listening to. I thought about sweeping chicken poop out of the baptismal pool. I thought about gathering together as a ch-rch. I thought walking the streets, pr-ying for the people. I thought about the myriad of scents – the smell of tortillas cooking, of chicken and corn from street vendors, the sweat smell of laborers.

It’s funny – there were some smells that I’ve not really smelled before anywhere other than Mexico. I catch whiffs of those scents every now and then, and they take me right back to those people and that time.

It’s funny to me, that on the days that mark the vocalization of my decision, all I’ve been able to smell today is Mexico.

Week 2 – Whoa, Really? Me?

2009-10-27T18:48:00.002-04:00

I was amazed to look at my schedule the other day and realize that we are past the end of week two of my time of preparation for two years overseas. It’s a nine week program, so each day that we have is valuable.

It’s crazy to think that this is to prepare us; that we will be more prepared for an intentional lifestyle overseas, reaching out to those who are in need of a redeemer (many of whom do not even realize their need). My gypsy feet will be used to carry the message no matter what it is that I do, utilizing something so integral to my nature.

Last Sunday, I was running. There’s a fairly “long” driveway from the road to the actual entrance of the learning center. Partway on that road, there’s a hill. I was running up the hill, and when I hit the peak, I could see the entire campus.

It was rather that moment that blew my mind. I am a part of this. I am a sent out one. I am going to fulfill one of the highest callings of Christ – obedience in living his commands. Wow.

It just floored me, and the feeling of how amazing this task is really was an amazing and overpowering one. I love it; just realizing what a precious thing it is that I am doing changes the way that I live each and every day.

My prayer is for intentional living. I am going as a sent out one, but there are so many others who would like to be going out too. They cannot. Not all of us can do that: things block us, whether it be Satan, physical obstacles, financial obstacles, an unwillingness to surrender our wills and conform them to the Father – there’s a multitude of things that stand in the way.

So I do not take lightly the fact that I am going.

We’ve done a lot of bonding as a group. The “young folk” are getting together each night, doing fun stuff. It’s getting into a bit of a routine – we’re really spending a lot of time together and really getting to know each other. It’s been awesome to really get to know each other as we are in “close” quarters – we sit at tables together for courses all day, we’re spending the evenings talking and playing games together. Our lifestyles are very intentional, meant to prepare us for years of service.

This week, we played a pretty epic game of ultimate Frisbee, had an evening of cultural worship rehearsal, and went over to one of the leaders’ house for dinner. It was a great week – the group is getting closer and closer as each day goes by, which I completely love. It’s going to be hard to leave when we are done, but it will be exciting to move on to the next big thing.

I took my prayer card pictures yesterday. Now to get the cards designed and printed – I have a few ideas about what it is that I want it to look like, but it will take a little time to figure that out – especially since I am not exactly the best designer in the world. Good thing that my sister is good at this kind of thing!

I could go on and on and on about the amazing times that we’re having here, but I should keep these posts shorter and sweeter so that you don’t mind reading these. However, I want to share one last thing.

Each Sunday evening, we celebrate a cultural worship service. This past Sunday, we worshipped for the American people groups, which means that our entire service was in Spanish.

One of my favorite things at church is singing in the worship teams on Sundays for worship. Now it has been two weeks since I have been in a “normal” Sunday morning service, so I have truly missed being together for worship. So being a part of a service was truly wonderful. Granted, the entire thing was in Spanish. I hear that the sermon was excellent, but I didn’t understand it. It was nice to be in a situation where the kids were all around the room like in a real church in that part of the world.

Even though I am not serving in any of the American people groups (which includes North and South America), I was able to help with the service. I was singing with a few other team members. We had two guitarists, a bassist, a drummer, a pianist, and 2 vocalists (and one of the guitarists and the pianist sang too). It was amazing.

We sang five songs – three that I had not heard before, and two that were translations of English songs – “Mighty to Save” and “How Great is Our God.” It was so wonderful to be a part of that, and I told the cultural worship team that they could call me any time to come and sing with them. I really hope that I get called on to do this every week.

Anyhow, I’m gonna close for this week.

A couple of thoughts:
Does following God ever just blow your mind?
What does surrender look like in your life?
Are you doing anything in your life that you know others are dying to do?

Week 1 - Almost Done

2009-10-17T01:39:00.002-04:00

How can I possibly describe the past several days? All I know is that I got in my car to come here and had no idea what to expect. I never knew that this place could be as amazing as it is, and that in even only a few days, I would be learning things and making friends that I certainly hope I will have for the rest of my life.

For those of you who are just reading this post and haven’t kept up with my life, I’ve started a two month training period preparing for a two year trip to Southeast Asia. I’m going to spend two years overseas, working with others to further kingdom work. My work will affect the lives of others for all of eternity. That’s quite a sobering thought, if you spend some time thinking about it.

I’ve been here since Tuesday, and have been running since the moment that I got here. In fact, I hadn’t been here for an hour before I had already started playing Frisbee with some of the other folks. That’s pretty amazing – we all know that ultimate Frisbee is God’s favorite sport. ;) I knew I was in with the cool kids then – not to mention that we had a pretty epic game today (well, sortof today. Friday, to be technical).

Wednesday was the first session. It was really overwhelming, where we were going over all the stuff that we would be doing for the next few months. It’s rather crazy to think about all that will be going on, and how much is really going to be crammed in. I’m excited, and so ready for it.

I feel a bit like I’m back in college again. We have a lot of classes; meals in a dining room. I’m living in what’s called a quad, or a building with four apartments. I have a roommate, who is 100% awesome, and I am so blessed by her. She and I will be working together for the next few years, so it’s awesome to be her roomie. We’re clicking very well, and I could not be more pleased by that.

Today, one of the highlights of what we did was a personal retreat. We all took three hours and a box lunch, and just spent some time with God.

I spent my three hours in the prayer chapel that we have here, and let me tell you, it was utterly amazing. I’ll have to take a few pictures at some point. But I just wanted to share what I was really struck with today was a verse that I found.

I was reading Psalms, and had just opened my Bible to Psalm 42. You know, it’s the one that talks about panting for God like the deer does. We all know that verse: in fact, many of us sing it in church from time to time.

However, once we pass the part that we’re familiar with, we kind of skip the rest of the chapter. It’s almost like we’re thinking, ‘oh, the best part has already been disseminated; we can skip the rest. It can’t be as good.’

News flash, ya’ll. The Bible’s written by Jesus Christ, so it is all good.

Anyhow, here’s the verse: “By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.” (ESV)

The whole verse is beautiful, but it was the last part that really struck me, as I was sitting in the prayer chapel.

Is God the God of my life?

Really, it’s a question worth answering. We may be inclined to think that we have the easy answer of “certainly! Who else would be God of my life?”

Well, I journaled as I read, listing other things that were “gods” in my life. I’ll confess, I was pretty ashamed of the list. Wanna see a few, and consider how you might compare?
• Relationships
• My work
• My social status
• Having the best (of anything)
• Friends (hey, I’ll be frank, I’m a little proud of the number of friends this homeschooled geek has!)
• My devotional time
• Serving others
• Seeking approval

Do I need to go on? I was pretty mortified at this, and to think about how easily I have strayed. I mean, for crying out loud, I am preparing to go overseas for two years. I MUST have my life straight spiritually, right?

Well, with verses like this and the grace of Jesus Christ, things will fall in. I continued my reading, going through the New Testament. I tackled Philippians and Colossians. Here’s another verse that was honey to my tongue (yes, words TASTE delightful – they truly do!)

Col 3:24 – “For you serve the Lord Christ.” (last part of the verse).

That rather puts all things into perspective, doesn’t it? That’s what we’re doing, and it’s amazing. We serve our master. The verse doesn’t bring anything or anyone else into the picture: we are serving our God.

Thanks all of you who have been reading and praying for me. I know that I’m in the thoughts of others – I can tell when people have been praying (plus, when I get 20 or so “likes” on my Facebook status updates, I think I might be loved!). You guys are awesome. Please, keep it up. Do let me know if there’s anything that I can pray for you about.

We're talking about a group of us "younger folk" going out and bowling tomorrow. That could be a ton of fun, so I'm going to sign off and peace out.

I’m starting a new something for my blog, giving a few questions that can spark some discussion and maybe help us both think. I love love love feedback, and you guys always offer good stuff.

Questions to ponder:
• What/who is a god in your life?
• How do you keep earthly things in perspective, keeping them from becoming a god?
• What verses have touched you lately while reading the Word?

Things I Love About Church

2009-10-11T16:33:00.000-04:00

Hey ya’ll. I haven’t posted in a while, and I’m sorry. I’ve gone through some life transition – had my last week at work, and had a week off. It was particularly crazy, because this week meant that everything that I have been preparing for is about to happen. It’s really real; not just a figment of my imagination. I AM GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD. Really.

Being unemployed gives me way to much time to think; so much that it’s incredibly overwhelming. At least when I worked, I could think about that stuff, and set it aside at the end of the day. Now I just have all day to think. Joy.

Anyhow, just a semi-light post to get back into the groove. I was at church this morning, and decided to make a list of things that I love about church, and thought I’d share.

1. I love when the choir sings a song about the grace of God, and the chorus comes to a crescendo on the word “grace.”

2. When the worship team loses their place in the middle of a song, and the church as a whole gets lost. The musicians keep playing, and eventually we jump back into it. Everyone’s grinning, and suddenly the worship seems so much more relaxed and natural.

3. The loud whisper of pages turning as the entire congregation turns to the Bible passage for the scripture reading.

4. Staring at the wooden cross right behind the preacher, marveling over the amazing love of our savior.

5. Corporate prayer.

6. When we sing “Holy is the Lord” (it’s a Chris Tomlin song), and we get to the final parts where the church is singing “Holy, holy, is the Lord almighty, holy, holy,” and repeats it three times, and ends a cappella. That literally gives me chills.

7. The words “open your Bible” stated from the pulpit. Thank God for the freedom to be able to do that.

8. I like being a part of the worship choir or worship team, and looking out at people as they worship. I love the pure joy on some peoples’ faces, as you KNOW that they worshipping. They are not singing just because it’s song time and the “right thing to do.” I could call out some names at LBC – but won’t. But we all know who these rare people are: they are singing directly from their heart to Jesus Christ, and it’s a beautiful thing.

9. I love it when anyone comes forward. Decisions made for Christ change lives, and I have watched many lives change.

10. Baptisms. I cry every. Single. Time. Really. Watch me; I’ll be surreptitiously dabbing at my eyes hoping that my mascara doesn’t smear. Definitely something that I love seeing – it’s a public profession; a symbol of the chosen life, the new master. It’s amazing. You should have seen me wiping my eyes in Mexico – you think I’m bad here, I was ridiculous there.

11. I love having people who will call me out when I’m wrong/stupid/an idiot. I have one person in particular who, if I EVER doubt something, I say it to her, and she would have the gumption to correct me. It’s just the icing on the cake that she happens to be the pastor’s wife too.

Anyhow. I just wanted to share a few things with you guys. What about you? I know my list could go on and on … but I have to get back to church for youth tonight!

Happy National Punctuation Day

2009-09-24T12:26:00.003-04:00

Today, according to the National Punctuation Day web site (click here to visit it), is the national day of punctuation. It’s time to honor all those little jots and tittles that enrich our language, making it easier to read the words of others. These little marks are some of the least appreciated and little respected elements of language these days.

In honor of this day, I’m going to give you all a quick guide on how to use some of the most common punctuation elements, along with an example of usage.

Period – use this punctuation mark when you have nothing left to say.
Example: “The light bulb will never amount to anything, and that’s all I have to say."

Comma – this punctuation mark was created to help you have a chance to take a breath while saying something important.
Example: (kid runs into the house) “Mom-Dad-listen-quick-you-know-Billy-Joe-Bob-and-how-he-got-that-there-sawed-off-shutgun-for-his-birthday-well-we-were-playing-outside-with-it-shooting-up-those-rusty-old-cans-and, [gasp] well-nothings-wrong-that-can’t-be-fixed-but-theres-a-lot-of-blood-you-might-wanna-call-one-of-them-there-new-fangled-ambulance-things, [gasp] can-I-have-a-coke?”

Question Mark – This is used to ask a question.
Example: “Chile’, whatcho askin' so many questions for?”

Exclamation Point – this is used at the end of a sentence when you are yelling something exciting that the entire world needs to know. Depending on the importance of the announcement, add a few extra exclamation points.
Example: “PAW!!!! Go pack that there station wagon, we done’d winned that there lottery, and we got ourselves 20 million dollars!!! We’re moving to Beverly Hills!!!!”

Parenthesis – The parenthesis is used to show that something being stated is not as important as the rest of the information being told in the same sitting.
Example: “So, mom, the weather is looking fantastic today (I broke the window and your priceless China vase), and me and my buddies had a great baseball game.”

Ellipses – these are used when the speaker falls asleep.
Example: “Please open your textbooks to page 473 ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ”

There are many other punctuation marks out there – do any mean something special to you that you’d like to share?

While you're celebrating, don't forget – respect that punctuation.

Music Monday - "Were You There"

2009-09-21T14:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday at church we took communion as part of the service. While the elements are being passed around, the pianist or organist plays hymns. I listen to the songs, mulling over the words.

This particular song captured me, as it always does. I’ll let it speak for itself.

If you are reading on facebook, click here to see the video.

Gettysburg Never Disappoints

2009-09-18T12:23:00.020-04:00

My family took a grand camping trip last weekend to one of my favorite places in the world: Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

We’ve been to Gettysburg three times: once when I was in high school, once during the summer of 2004, after my freshman year of college, and then again last weekend.

I’ve always loved the place: there’s something magical about it. I love the rolling hills, the obvious history and heritage there, the depth of passion lingering in that place.

I’m a bit of a history nerd, so I love any place that has historical significance. I’ve always grown up in the mindset that I didn’t need to spend money to have a good time; and historical sites tend to be either free or cheap. So while I’ve never been to Disneyland/world/whatever, I’ve been to MANY Civil War battlefields. It was the subject of multiple college papers, including one that I presented at my senior reading. Sometime I'll have to post it.

I just wanted to share a little bit of that trip; how it went, and share some of the pictures that I took.

We stuffed into the van. I mean, hard-core stuffing. We could have probably gone for a guinness world record with how much JUNK we had stuffed in there. We also had eight people. And a dog. I wish that I could have truly captured how full that van was.

It was raining. That’s not cool when you’re planning to go tent camping. I mean, I’m hard core. I don’t mind it so much, but the rest of the family gave me the stink eye when I said I was cool with it. Or let me revise, the female half of the family gave me the stink eye. So we stayed in KoA’s Kamping Kabins. (photo taken from the KOA web site - I didn’t take a picture with my camera of the cabin. How embarrassing. I do have one on Facebook though, that I took with my phone).

We spent Friday night at the campground for a while, setting up. Becky came and joined us. She moved out and went to Baltimore to find a job. She actually did end up coming and joining us, which was cool. This event was a bit like a last huzzah for the Brennan family – it never will be quite the same. I fully expect that by the time I come back in 2-3 years, I will be very changed. Becky will probably be married by then. We can try to recapture the past, but I have a feeling that will be more of an exercise in futility more than anything else.

We then went to the cemetery. I prefer going there in the evening, while everything is still and quieter. I don’t like to hear the hustle and bustle of the daytime when I am attempting to fathom the events of those three fateful days in July 1863. I also don’t like having obnoxious tour groups come in, running, yelling, and being completely stupid (I’m going to be a MEAN old lady someday – I can feel it in my bones).

We walked down to the town for a bit, where we were accosted by sutlers, selling souvenirs and the like. Very nice, but not exactly what I’m interested in when I come to a town like Gettysburg. A particular pet peeve is the numerous “haunted ghost walks,” but I’ll get to that in a bit.

The next day we took it fairly easy – took our time just enjoying each other’s company. We played shuffleboard (some of my siblings will make great old people).

It was a dark and dreary day, with a sprinkling of rain. We drove all around, going around the loop to the battlefield. We found a group of reenactors giving a cannon demonstration, so we stopped and watched.
Then, all of us got a picture with a cannon – not one that had just been fired, by the way. We went over by Devil’s Den, and Little Round Top and Big Round Top, visiting the memorials there.

Me on one of the huge rocks there.

Joe, looking through a natural underpass created by some of the rocks.

Becky, Rachel, and Bethany

After the round tops, we went over to the Pennsylvania monument. It's always a good stopping point there, because they have a bathroom stop (always a huge thing to find when you have a large family - someone will ALWAYS have to go pee).

Anna and I at the Pennsylvania monument - it was a windy day.

All of us kids on the steps, after a bunch of rowdy boy scouts had left.

Now just give me a moment.

< - WARNING: BIG RANT - >

This was from the top of the Pennsylvania monument, looking down, over the edge. Yes, that is what you think it is: chewed gum. Some STUPID IDIOTS thought it would be a good idea to spit their gum out and LEAVE IT on a historical monument. Then, as more people have come, it's become a "monkey see, monkey do" situation. What kind of people would SO DISRESPECT their country's history, and make the monuments for epic events in the past a place to leave their USED chewing gum. This angers and disgusts me. If you've EVER done something like this, don't you dare tell me. You'd better go slink back to where you left your souvenir slice of gum and scrape it off. Then I might not drop kick you out of my sight. Jerks.

< / rant >

Last picture: the final place that we hit was the ending goal of Pickett's charge. There are quite a few monuments there, and we've always stopped at this spot. It's really a cool view, over the field. But I like this picture that I took:

If it doesn't come through clearly, the inscription says "heroism." It's talking about that ill-fated charge, how Pickett came through, following the commands of his superior officer, even when they didn't make sense. It's mind boggling.

After we went all over the battlefield, we walked around the town some more, then went back to the campground. We ate dinner, then the younger folks said there was going to be a ghost walk and that we should go do it.

So we ended up doing that. And you know, it was pretty good. We had a reenactor walk all over the campground with us, telling us stories about the era, moments of heroism in the battle, ill-fated soldiers and their acts of bravery.

I'm not a fan of walking around with people who are trying to make you believe in a ghost; you know, the kind who hand you some "ghost detecting device," but walking around with "Confederate Chris" hearing about the local legends and stories was pretty amazing. I don't have any pictures, because it was dark, and taking pictures would have been obnoxious, but it was pretty cool.

Overall, it was a fantastic trip - Gettysburg never does disappoint.

While You’re Sleeping, I’m Trying to Figure This Out

2009-09-17T14:15:00.001-04:00

I've neglected my blog shamefully this week - don't worry, I'm going to post some pictures from this past weekend. My family went to Gettysburg, Pa., and I totally loved it.

But here's what I've got today. Sometimes it seems that when the rest of the world is asleep, I’m stuck lying awake in my bed, wondering all these random questions that don’t seem to have clear or quick answers. If you’ve got the answers, feel free to share. At a minimum, I hope you’ll be entertained, or that maybe you’ll share some of the questions that you wonder about too.

1. Is there a proper way to dispose of an old Bible? You know how we respect a flag: when it’s old, you don’t throw it in the trashcan. You burn it. I have this Bible that I had when I was a kid (6th grade, before I realized that it was okay to mark passages and record significant sermon notes); and it’s falling apart and the fake leather stuff is flaking. I’m also trying to cut down on all the stuff that I have … but then, when you start talking about getting rid of a Bible … well, it makes me think that there’s some kind of punishment lurking out there for those who improperly dispose of a Bible. I’m kind of serious about this question – this is the only one that I’m really eager to have answered.

2. If I'm so wonderful, why am I still single? Actually, I found this as the title of a book. I almost fell off my chair laughing when I found this randomly in my library’s card catalogue while searching for something else. No lie.

3. How come ten days can stretch into eternity? I only have ten days of work left before I am done with this job, and it looks like it will last forever.

4. Does anyone actually read and care about what I have to say? I mean, I get feedback all the time, but even then, I have to wonder if I have anything to say that people actually want to hear. I’ve always wondered if people sometimes think, “I love Holly, but oh my goodness, that girl needs to SHUT UP sometimes!” You know?

5. What would happen if I was killed in some freak accident today? I had a college acquaintance get killed earlier this year, and people STILL write on her Facebook wall, telling her how much they miss her. Have I made that kind of impact, or will the water only have a slight ripple before I disappear?

If you’ve got the answers to any of these questions – wait, no just the first one (that’s the only one I want an answer too – the rest sound like a whiny plea for sympathy), I’d love to hear them. Or maybe you wonder these questions too, but don’t have answers either. Or, if you have any questions of your own that keep you awake in the wee sma’ hours, please post them here. Maybe someone else has the answer – and we can ALL help each other out, and rid the world of a few insomniacs!

... or am I the only one lying awake at night?

Whatcha Thinkin’?

2009-09-09T14:07:00.000-04:00

Over Labor Day weekend, my house was hoppin’ – we had all kinds of folks over. My buddy Meghan came over to scrapbook, my sister brought her boyfriend over to hang out, and my sister Bethany had a friend, Heather, over for a sleepover.

When it was time for Heather to go home, I offered to take her. I had to go take a friend’s dog out for a walk, and I wasn’t sure if the friend was home yet or not, so I figured that taking Heather home would make it a nice “kill two birds with one stone” trip. And if the friend had already arrived home, I wouldn’t be kicking myself for making an unnecessary trip over to her house.

I dropped Heather off – on the way there, the two girls sat in the back seat and chattered. When we dropped her off, Bethany moved up into the front seat, beside me.

We drove in relative silence for a while – I was listening to Nelly Furtado’s “Te Busque” (pretty quietly, actually), and she was staring out the window. We came to a stop at a red light.

“Whatcha thinking?” I asked.

She turned to me. “I was just trying to see what all stores were in that shopping center.”

The light turned green, and we moved on past the stores.

She turned to me. “What are YOU thinking?”

I had to pause. How could I possibly express the tumult of thoughts swirling through my mind? I gave it my best shot: “Well, I was listening to the words of this song, where she said she stopped going to church, and I was thinking that the church really seems to have a bad rap these days, and I was watching the road ahead, because we saw that car behind us get pulled over by an unmarked car, and I was thinking about my friend’s trip to Virginia Beach, and what it would be like if someone unexpectedly died, and that I’m hungry, and that I might want to slow down soon, because the light ahead is turning red, and that I’m really excited about going to Asia later this year, and I wonder when I’ll actually go; when they’ll know the time that I head over, and that I’m really hungry.”

The poor child gaped. “Wow. You have complicated thoughts.”

Oh, but she didn’t know the half of it. My unspoken thoughts were on lost friends; grief that lightens your footsteps so that the echo of your steps do not ring through the hallways; how loud silence can truly be; the incomprehensible God we serve; those so sold out that they give everything to God, and long for more to give; how people choose to reject the truth when it’s uncomfortable; those who say the exactly right thing at the right time; those whom you’ve never met in person, yet feel a bond with (hooray for my blogging friends!); how quickly time truly does pass.

1st Corinthians 13:11 says: “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”

With the passing of each day, I’m discovering that my thoughts are no longer as childish as they used to be. I have moved on to weightier things: I face the reality of being a responsible adult. I have bills; I have a job. I have cares, concerns, and worries. Instead of going to a friend’s house and playing with legos or dolls, we sit on the back porch and argue theology (predestination will keep us going all night). Yes, we do talk about lighter issues, but settle upon the deeper, weightier issues.

Every time I think, I realize again that I have become an adult and put away childish things.

"Fearless" by Max Lucado

2009-09-08T23:02:00.000-04:00

I'm a Thomas Nelson book review blogger, so I got a pre-release copy of Max Lucado's latest book, Fearless. Check out their site to find out how you can be a book review blogger too!

***

Imagine your life without fear. In this book, Lucado takes a look at our fears, and how we are crippled by fear day after day.

Chapters in this book cover our basic fears - insignificance, failure, death, tragedy - all fears that normal humans face day after day.

Rather than just put a feel-good spin on each of these fears, Lucado takes us straight to the source of the ultimate comfort - Christ. He shares verses that deal specifically with these fears, offering comfort. His manner does not condescend, rather, one almost gets the feeling of sitting at the kitchen table, savoring a cup of coffee, and sharing a few moments of heart to heart conversation with a trusted friend.

Like a parent, encouraging a child to uncover his eyes and face reality, Lucado does the same for us, showing us that we need not be fettered by our fears.

Memories in my Pocket

2009-09-02T13:41:00.000-04:00

So I was going to go get a ginger ale from the vending machine downstairs, and started looking through the coins in my change purse. I just absent-mindedly read the year on one coin, and just was almost overwhelmed by an outstanding memory of that year. So I decided to take all the coins in my wallet and share a memory for each year represented.

1971, 1976, 1983
These years were rough years for the world – I wasn’t here to make it all better. Bummer for the rest of you all.

1985
I didn’t make a lot of memories this year: I just pooped a lot of diapers. Hey, don’t laugh; you know you did it too in your first year of life.

1987
Ahhh ... this one probably brings to mind my favorite memory, though I don’t really remember it, since I was just 2 years old. I just get reminded of it all the time. I like to beat others to the punch and recount it first so I can put my own spin on it.

In February, my first younger sibling, Becky, was born. When my parents brought her home from the hospital, they informed me that I had a new roommate. I took one look at that squalling bundle of trouble and loudly declared that I wasn’t sharing a room with her, she could go sleep on the back porch! I still haven't heard the end of that one.

1990
I finished reading the Little House on the Prairie series, and learned that my lifetime would be spent devouring books. The library was my bestest best friend. There was so much out there waiting for me to read!

I also found that guys were far less complicated than girls, because they didn’t want you to smear some pink sparkly stuff all over your face in order to be cool. I never fussed when my teacher for Sunday School put us in boy-girl-boy girl order. That made my life much more drama-free. Course, it all changed at sixth grade, which was kind of sad.

1992
I sang a solo in second grade Sunday School. I sang an old-school hymn, “Arise My Soul Arise.” No background music tracks. No piano. Just my boisterous second grade voice and the microphone in front of hundreds of other second graders (I went to First Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Fla. at the time – there was a building devoted only to second grade! It had formerly been a theater, I think). I also neglected to tell my parents. They found out from someone else's mom, who heard it from their kid. Oops.

1996
This was the year that I finally decided that I was going to get an American Girls doll. If you had a daughter in the 90s or early 00’s, you know what I mean. Those overpriced dolls that teach a child all about history. I was tired of cutting up the catalogues and gluing the cut-outs to cardboard.

So I started saving. Now saving when you are twelve is tough stuff, because child labor laws make it hard to get a job at the local 7-11. I had accumulated about 30 some dollars, and was despairing of ever making a hundred.

That year, my dad was on deployment in Sigonella, Sicily. My parents decided that they wanted to make our kid’s Christmas special, and got us each a very special gift – you got it, I found Felicity under the Christmas tree that year. I still have her, and hope to pass her on to my kid someday - if I ever get one, that is.

1999
I stayed up for new years. It was boring. I started ninth grade. I went to camp at the Bill Rice Ranch for the first time. I was in the first prayer group that I’d ever been in, and I loved it. I also got my first rejection letter from a magazine this year.

2001
Wow. Umm, this year involved a new understanding of what it means to lean on God. I was only 16 when 9-11 occurred, and my dad was getting ready to go on deployment aboard the USS Harry S Truman. I remember watching the news every morning, wondering what else was going to happen bad with the world. Even as my dad was on the other side of the world, in the war zone, I learned how faithful God was in so many ways.

2002
I decided that I was going to go to Pensacola Christian College for my higher education. You know, there are a lot of people who bad-mouth the school, but I really learned a lot there: inside and outside the classroom. I had no idea back in 2002, but I would meet people who would change my life forever, and I love them for it. All I knew back in 2002 was that I was going, and I had been accepted.

2004
I finished my freshman year of college this year, and learned all the great mistakes. Don’t date a freshman ministerial guy. I learned how to complete my schedule – the dean of seminary did mine (my roommate’s dad: when I asked her for assistance, she took me to his office and he did it). I’d been in a production (Romeo and Juliet - I was an extra). I worked food service for a year. I’d finally decided that my major would be writing, and was considering speech as a minor. I ended up minoring in speech, btw. I decided that bangs were not doing my forehead any favors.

2007
I graduated this year. Spoke at convocation (again, I didn't tell my parents beforehand - are you detecting a trend?) I got my first job, working as a help desk call-taker for the local military base. Wow, was that ever a life-changing job. I have a whole new awareness and sympathy for those who work at call centers, because that is a rough life. I also took my first writing job, which has made me learn a lot.

***

By the time I made it down the vending machine, and discovered that there were no ginger ales there, I’d revisited a lot of “moments” in my life, and didn’t really mind that there was no ginger ale. I had a pocketful of memories instead.

Music Monday – Little Big Town, “Bring it on Home”

2009-08-31T13:42:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, I went to go see Phil Vassar and Little Big Town in concert. In case you’re not a country person, they’re country music folk. Phil Vassar plays piano (and is utterly amazing!) and Little Big Town has some of the most natural, amazing sounding harmonies I’ve heard in a while. I completely loved it. I'd forgotten how enjoyable a country music concert can be.

There was one song that Little Big Town played that was just fantastic, and I wanted to share with all of you. Listen to it at this link.

The words of the chorus struck me especially:

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me.

It’s so pretty musically (excellent four part harmony just gives me the shivers!), and the response from the crowd was utterly precious. Couples began slow dancing, holding each other close. I was next to an older couple who were thoroughly enamored with each other. It was a neat thing to see how much they really did love each other.

Isn’t it funny, though, that we’re so eager to bring everything that troubles us before a spouse or significant other? Yet we won’t always take it to God. A spouse, no matter how much they love you, cannot make everything better. They don’t know what you need all the time. God’s the only one who does and ever will.

Not to falsely spiritualize a song, but I think that if you really think about where you should be taking all your problems and all that’s going on, you’ll listen to a song like this in a totally different manner.

I just loved this song, and wanted to share.

Music Monday – Switchfoot, “Dare You to Move”

2009-08-24T15:03:00.000-04:00

I don’t know about you, but I like a good challenge. I also don’t know how life is for you, but mine is kind of challenging right now. I’m more than a little stressed: this morning, I thought about putting my Facebook status as being that “Holly is a little overwhelmed right now: please approach with patience, prayer, and protein.” But I didn’t want to be one of CNN’s annoying Facebookers.

I digress.

When faced with a challenge, we don’t have the option to sit back and wait. We need to get up. To move. Now. To face our challenges; prove our convictions. If you act not upon them, you will lose them. You will lose your passion and become so deeply rooted in your apathy: it will become the quagmire that keeps you from rising.

Click on this link to watch my song of the day.

Are you challenged about something?

I dare you to move.

Caution: Being Single is Hazardous to Your Spiritual Health

2009-08-18T14:37:00.001-04:00

So this is something that has bothered me for a little while, and I thought that I’d share. I know that I’m not the only one who has dealt with this issue, because anytime that Jon Achuff brings this up on his Stuff Christians Like blog, he gets a multitude of commenters who are dealing with the same thing. I talk to my friends and we have the same issues. Check out his most recent single-people oriented post – and don’t forget the comments; they are priceless.

So here’s where I am on this.

Singles, for lack of a better term, are forgotten people.

I’m going to give some caveats later, so don’t let your dander fly too high, okay? Read on for a minute.

First off, I’m not a big fan of being called a single. It sounds like some horrible disease: can you not hear it? Oh, she’s SINGLE. Oh, there’s a nice SINGLES group over there. Makes it sound like some kind of cheap therapy, like singlehood is something that we can just get over. Find a cure, fix it, make it aaaaaaaaaaaallllll better.

I’m in a church that has a lot of singles. But sometimes it feels that a lot of the young people are a bit forgotten. Certainly not, you may reply. Holly, you are out there, we have other singles leading the youth, we have a young guy leading the college and career class, and goodness knows, we have two (count ‘em!) young people on the church council! What could you ever mean?

Let me clarify.

We’re proud people, all of us. Young and old alike. When we’re two, we want to feed ourselves. When we’re five, we want to tie our own shoes. When we turn 12, we want to pick out our own clothes. When we’re 15, we all want to drive ourselves around. When we’ve got a job, we want to be responsible. We want to do everything in our way, in our time. We want to be able to step out and prove that we can do it, that we’re not a failure.

But, unfortunately, having a wonderful piece of paper from an institute of higher learning nailed to your wall does not make you an expert on everything. (Even if that piece of paper was issued from a religious university.) I’m learning each and every day how little I know. The older I get, the stupider and foolisher I realize I am, and the more that I realize I need help.

But no one is really offering it. We’re assuming that just because everyone looks like they are perfect means that they are perfect. Take a quick inward peek at your life – you know you aren’t perfect, so what makes you think that everyone else is, especially a young person?

People my age are being lost in the church.

Where’s the highest loss rate? I’ve been in church for years and years, and let me tell you what I see: it’s not young children. It’s not the elderly. It’s not families.

It’s single people. College students. Post-college young adults. We’re losing them in droves.

Why?

Well, let me tell you something that I saw at my church a few weeks ago. I was worship leading, so I had to be at the front for all the song portions. When the preaching started, I came and sat down with my buddy Teri (who is new to my church). We were all in the back, and there were a bunch of us crowded on a pew. You can’t understand close Christian fellowship till you’ve had too many people stuffed on a pew!

Anyhow. I noted a young man about my age on the pew in front of me. There were two guys I knew on one side, and this fellow was on the other end of the pew; a sizable gap between them.

I couldn’t get his attention from where I was sitting. First, there were far too many of us on the pew. I couldn’t get his attention without distracting the entire pew. Plus, it was during the service. I was raised in an independent fundamental Baptist church – even if someone was dying, you didn’t do anything to start a distraction. I learned well. Too well.

I went up at the end to help sing the invitation hymn as I do when a worship leader. We sang the invitational hymn, then the pastor had us all greet one another, shaking hands.

I looked down from the platform to where this fellow was – he was standing there, alone, everyone in the vicinity ignoring him. His eyes were downcast. He had that look of “I’m just here because I need to be in church, but I’m not happy here.”

I was so angry. Not gonna lie. Angry. All these people, and no one was greeting him. If I could have made it down from the front to the very back quick enough, you know I would have been there.

As soon as the benediction was over, I practically threw my microphone into the stand, and ran to where he had been – note that I said "had been." He was gone, and all the other folks were standing around chatting.

“Who was that,” I asked.

“What do you mean? Who are you talking about?”

“The guy who was here! Don’t tell me you don’t know who I’m talking about! Did you even see him? Does anyone know who he was?” I was yelling at this point. Frankly, I hope I scared them. They looked scared. They'd better have been.

In return, I got blank stares. “No,” someone finally said. “I saw him, but didn’t say anything. I don’t know who he was.”

I ran out into the foyer, trying to find this fellow, to say hey, to not neglect him (please note, I don’t always run around chasing boys – I know it makes me look desperate. But desperate times call for desperate measures). But I could not find him.

If I was that fellow, I sure would not feel inclined to return to the church. Fellowship is a huge aspect of gathering together at the church – if I’m going to be ignored at the church, I could just as easily stay at home and be ignored. Or go to Wal-mart. Or anywhere, really. I wouldn’t feel eager to return to church, to be surrounded by other people who are all greeting each other and acting like they love Jesus and EVERYBODY.

I can’t say that everyone has missed us as a “people group” in the church. I could count off on my hands (and I may only need one) how many people have really reached out to me personally. I’m blessed: my family is here. They talked me up before I graduated from college, and I was able to plug in fairly quickly. I haven’t had to take up the Thanksgiving invitations. But there are many who need far more than that. Please don’t remember us only at Thanksgiving. We’re here year round, whether you see us or not.

Another example: a close friend of mine has not been in Sunday School for six weeks. No one from his class has called him to see if he was okay. No one has checked up on him.

What message is that sending? Hmmm ... maybe an “I don’t care”? Why would this friend wish to return if he was being told by his class’s actions that he didn’t matter?

I work in the youth group, the music ministry, the nursery, blahblahblah. Okay, if I was releasing my children into someone else’s hands, I’d want to know who was going to be influencing them. I’ve taught groups of all ages, and have not had parents interrogate me about my beliefs. Just because the Brennan family as a whole is nice doesn’t automatically make Holly Brennan a nice person. If I had been born in a barn, in a cow stall, would that make me a cow? NO! So being part of a nice, strong Christian family doesn’t mean that I am automatically a strong Christian.

Know who we are. Know what we stand for. Know what we’re saying; teaching, doing.

The church as a whole has a responsibility to help equip us to go out and share all over the world. We’re not born automatically knowing what to do. We need good leadership; people showing us how we are to be. We need people developing relationships with us, mentoring us, ready to call us out when we’re not following God, or there’s something in our lives that is not of God, that is wrong.

I’ve been a part of my church since the inception of the “college and career” group. I was there the first Sunday. I’ve watched as people have come and gone: some have gotten married, or moved away. Some have gone away to college and are still there. Others? They’ve left the church, and some may never come back.

Don’t sequester us. I quit the college and career group a year and a half ago. It was for some practical reasons with the timing of church, and wanting to be a part of orchestra, but it was excellent. I went into Adult Bible Fellowships and got to be among adults. I was talking to people, learning from them. I had the chance to learn from them, and they from me. We all have a different perspective. I’ve been blessed in that class.

If I had my way, we’d do away with a year-round college and career class. Encourage church members to “adopt” a young adult; to encourage them in their walk with Christ. To develop a relationship. To mentor us. The college class would meet during the summer, when all the college students are home and fairly transient. But don’t bunch us up together. There’s almost nothing worse than sitting among a bunch of people who are worried about a class schedule that has an 8am class meeting time (the HORROR) while you are thinking about how you watched your 401k plummet over the past few weeks, and you have to be at work at 7 each morning, and your boss was breathing all down your back telling you what a failure you are. Yeah. I want to listen to class scheduling issues. NOT.

If there’s one thing in life that I have learned, it’s that life is a 2 way street. I can’t stand there and expect you to come up to me and be like, “Hi, I’m CHURCH MENTORING Barbie and this is my husband Ken, and these are our children, Kelly and Tommy! We want to mentor you!” If that happened, and you had the cheesy plastic grins, I’d run in the opposite direction to find a different church. And I'd carry a blow torch just in case I ran into another plastic family.

But I can’t expect you to be able to help me grow if you don’t know me. I can’t know you if I don’t invest some of myself into you.

No man is an island, but it sure seems to be that a lot of single people are being forced into becoming islands.

So now what? Are you going to go on pretending like we don’t exist? Please don’t. Don’t make us feel like a leper colony – at my church, there’s always a group of us sitting in the last few pews on the organ side – you might have to look a little harder in your church; but I’d wager that there is an enclave. Invite one of us to sit with you next Sunday. Care enough to ask us over for dinner some Sunday after church. Become a second family to us.

We’re hurting far more than you may ever know. I’ve shed tears with my friends, listened to them as they struggled. Yearned for words to say to a friend who had no one else to turn to. I’ve felt like I was on an island before, and I've learned that I'm not the only person my age to feel that way.

If you’re an “average joe” church member, what kind of advice would you give us on building a relationship with you? What would you want us to know? How can we minister to you? If you’re mentoring someone, how is it going?

If you’re a single person in the church, what would you say to other members? What would you share with them? How can they minister to you?

I’d really like a lot of input here. What are your thoughts on this?

Music Monday - Praise You In the Storm

2009-08-17T14:58:00.000-04:00

It’s funny that I finally have a computer at home, and have had so since Thursday, but I have yet to update my blog. Maybe I was fresh out of ideas, busy, or just … meh. I don’t know. I have a few ideas flopping around in there, most of which require a good bit more rumination before I just throw them out there.

Anyhow. This Sunday, we played the “Ungame” in Sunday School. It was a neat game of questions and answers. We had to give answers for questions on this deck of cards that went around. It was a lot of biblical questions, with stuff like “if you’ve been part of a prayer group, describe it” or “If you were Sarah (Abraham's wife), and found out that you were pregnant at the age of 90, what would you think?”

In all, a lot of cool questions that definitely sparked some thought.

I liked mine:

“David sang praises and played the harp before God. If you were to sing a song of praise, what would it be?”

Okay, so you all know that there has been a lot of craziness in my life. Car troubles? Heck yes. I don’t know what it is to have a perfectly running car. You want a new car? Let me drive your old one – it won’t last a week. There’s a lot of uncertainty. Unfulfilled desires that God has asked me to set aside.

But all through it, I’ve learned to lift my head; my hands in a song of praise. Job 2:10 says, …“Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” Can I expect nothing but perfection for my life just because I know Christ? I think not.

I joined in with a Bible Study that’s going through the Purpose Driven Life. One of the leaders is going through and each day sending out a thought from the reading. Today’s thought was this: “You’ll never know that God is all that you need until God is all you’ve got.”

So true. And with that, I will praise Him in the Storm. God is all that I have completely stable in my life, and it is only through him that I can continue to lift my hands in praise.

This was the song that I gave as my answer.

Building Faith by Provision

2009-08-12T15:39:00.000-04:00

So I missed delivery of my new computer today. Bummer. This is the disadvantage of everyone being away from my house during the day (7/9 of my family is in N.C. at the Wilds for family camp week – and they are loving it!).

But anyhow. FedEx requires a signature in order to leave my computer there, which is annoying, but I’d rather have it that way. I don’t want to find out that my companion for the next two years has been taken away.

I am super excited about having this computer, because it’s a perfect example of how God provides. Let me share what I mean.

If you’ve been following my blog/Facebook/life, you know I’ve had a lot of car trouble. You know I have issues (no joke!).

My car was dying. In May, it had been diagnosed as having a failing transmission.

I didn’t know what to do. I mean, I could have run it to the ground. I was praying that it would last until I had to go to training in October, and I know that a lot of other people were praying the same thing for me. But it seemed that wasn’t happening when it started having scary, complete car-shaking tremors.

A friend of mine has an extra car from a time when God really provided for them. In turn, since they were all taken care of, they loan the extra car to folks as needed. I’ve definitely been a good candidate for it, and they have been most gracious – I’m able to use it until I leave for Asia, even when I’m in Richmond for training, which is going to be super SWEET!

With current transportation provided for, I sold my car within two days of posting it on Southern Maryland online’s classified ads. I got almost what I was asking for it, even though it was really more than I hoped to get. I’ve learned from years of being an avid yard-saler: ask high, so when a buyer counteroffers, you get the price you originally wanted. I lucked out; I got more.

I have turned in the tags (and am getting a pro-rated refund on my Maryland registration, since I just renewed them in May), and got non-vehicle owner’s insurance for until I leave the country. Even better, as I spoke to the representative, she said that there is what’s called a U.S. Touring policy: for five dollars a year, I’m covered for car insurance anytime I’m in the country. So it will cost me ten dollars for two years to avoid a lapse in coverage, which will save me in the long run. Apparently, if I let it lapse completely, I’d have to pay in some huge deposit in two years when I tried to get accounts again.

That’s a huge praise to all have taken care of: I’m an OCD stress-out type, so to know that all the proverbial ducks are in a row is wonderful.

Even better, though, was that I decided that the money from my car would go towards purchasing a computer. My laptop that I have right now, which I used in college, is dying and has no wireless card or anything. I’m going to definitely want to be able to keep in touch with folks while I’m gone (hello, that’s what I blog for!), so I’ll need decent equipment.

Get this: when I placed the order for my computer, the price that I ended up paying was seven dollars under the amount that the people had paid for my car.

No joke.

I wasn’t going to ask the amount that I was, but put it in the ad, figuring that I’d get a decent counter-offer. When I sold it, the buyer counter-offered with a higher price than I’d hoped for, and I accepted immediately. I was figuring on going for less, since a transmission is not a cheap repair, but God made it all happen just the way it did to EXACTLY take care of my needs.

I’m dumbfounded. A computer wasn’t one of those things that I had planned for when thinking about heading overseas, so to have this taken care of so perfectly is utterly amazing.

I’m super thankful for how it all works out. It’s amazing how God takes all these details that I neglected to think of and takes them and uses them to build my faith. It’s all “little” stuff, but it makes me rely more each and every day. I had to just wait and say, okay, God, I don't know what you're doing or how you're going to do this, but you've got a plan somewhere in this ...

We just may be at the end of my car troubles: it seems that everything has been taken care of, and God’s worked it out well to take care of things that I never even thought of.

And you know what’s cool? I’ve made arrangements with my boss to be home tomorrow when the package would be getting here, so come tomorrow, me and the new laptop are going to be doing some bonding. I can’t wait!

Oh, while you're at it, check out the picture below for my choir director’s suggestion for my next car. Another friend commented that I sure wouldn’t have a hard time getting a date driving a car like that - guys would be lining up for the chance to ride in it. Now I know what to aspire for in 2-3 years. You KNOW you're jealous ...

Music Monday - Does Anybody Hear Her by Casting Crowns

2009-08-10T13:44:00.000-04:00

Churches are full of snobs. Yes, the people who have “found Jesus” and as a consequence, must be better than anyone else in the world.

FALSE.

Ignorant fools.

Those in churches probably should have a better understanding of their general “base-ness” as opposed to non-Christians. They should be the ones squirming in realization of the meaning of condemnation, and praising God every second of their day that they are saved.

But no. They prance around like they are the most amazing people on earth, and that all the rest of the world should pay obeisance since these folks have God.

FALSE.

People in churches seem to be stuck in the idea that they suddenly can’t have friends among the unsaved; that they cannot reach out to others. That they have to completely cut themselves off from everyone else simply because they don’t believe in God.

false, FALSE, FALSE!!!

We’re all sinners, saved by grace. By a merciful God. One who loves all. One who frequently dined with sinners, as opposed to the saved. One who cared for all, and still does. We seem to be blind. We miss the needs of others; steamrolling them on our way to our next event or ministry.

Why would anyone want to come to Christ when they are treated as being merely in the way? I sure wouldn’t; if the first impression that I got from a Christian was that I was nothing more than scum of the earth; that I was not worth investing in. I wouldn’t want to listen to a story of Christ’s redeeming love from the lips of someone whose life contradicted their message.

Watch this video. I chose this one on purpose: it’s the official Casting Crowns video. I can’t imbed it, but click on the link to watch this video on Youtube.

Does Anybody Hear Her

As you watch it, look for yourself in the video. Are you ignoring the needs of someone who isn’t asking for help, but desperately needs it? Do you hear the voices of those who need to be SHOWN the love of Christ?

Listen. They are much closer than you'd think.

Tell Me Something I Didn't Know

2009-08-06T15:07:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been reminded of something that you already knew? That happens to me all the time – and it frustrates me. It happens when I’m washing the dishes: one of my helpers will remind me “don’t forget to wipe the table/refill the water pitchers/put away leftovers.” I’ll even get reminded to take care of something as I am doing it.

What do you think I am, an idiot? Incapable of taking care of things and remembering? Let me remind you, I am very nearly 25 years old, and I went to college and lived on my own…and survived to tell the stories.

Doesn’t that sound bitter and angry? But you know, what I just said above is an initial reaction most people have when told something they already know. But you know what jumps out to me the most about that reaction? Pride.

That statement says “I know enough so that I don’t ever need a reminder.” That I am too proud to receive instruction. That I don’t need help from anyone.

I got a few reminders over the past week that I really needed. It was all stuff that I knew; that I’ve heard a hundred times before.

But apparently I needed to hear it again.

Sorry that I’m being vague, and not saying exactly what it all is. There’s so much that’s going on right now that I am dealing with. What I detail here is just scratching the surface: ya'll know that there are some struggles that just don't (and shouldn't) get broadcast to the entire world). I know of few other people who have as many car troubles as I do. At the end of the day, I do laugh about it. You’re allowed to laugh, but at the same time, I start to ask all kinds of questions.

God, what am I NOT learning? Why does this keep happening to me? Am I not following you like I should? What more could you possibly want that I’m not giving/doing?

Pride.

It’s all pride speaking, when I start fussing like that.

Not gonna lie, I’m struggling. I laugh about all the stuff that’s going on, but it’s far more hurtful to my pride than I’d care to admit. On top of that all, I’m still dealing with stuff that I’ve always dealt with (because I’m a human, and definitely will struggle), and probably will continue to struggle with. My pride wants to point out what I’ve given up to follow what I completely believe God’s will to be, and remind me how much I really do want my way. A friend of mine recently posted his Facebook status as being something like this: “The problem with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the altar.” Well, every time it crawls off, I seem to be having a harder and harder time putting it back on.

I was driving home from work last night and put in my WOW Hits 2007 CD, Disc 1. Track 4 grabbed me as a reminder of how good God is, and how I don’t need understand why everything is happening the way that it is. It gladdened my heart so much, and I cranked the volume and sang along, not caring about the odd looks I get when I crank my Jesus music a little bit louder. It’s not music Monday, but enjoy the imbedded video. It’s “My Savior My God,” by Aaron Shust.

Then, after worship leading rehearsal at church and getting ice cream with someone, I called one of my bestest buddies in the whole wide world, because I was just so discouraged. She didn’t have long to talk, but in that time, she shared an amazing few verses that lifted my heart greatly. I’m sharing them here: Psalm 27:13-14 states, “I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” (KJV)

I’m about to faint with all that’s going on … but I completely believe in the goodness of the Lord. When I’m waiting on Him, He’s giving the strength to go through it all.

So for all of you who have reminded me lately the things I already know, you’re awesome. And for all of you who have had a little chuckle at the insanity of my life, it’s great. Let’s laugh about it together.

But I will admit this: I am definitely not skilled to understand what God has willed; what God has planned.

Give Me a Horse and Buggy Please (or, More Car Troubles)

2009-08-05T13:26:00.002-04:00

My life remains hilarious.

I thought that getting rid of my Ford Exploder would help me out and solve all of my car problems.

Really, you would think. I mean, what kind of person has so many car troubles as I do? I think that this is God's way of telling me that when I return from my overseas work, I need to get a horse and buggy. The Amish lifestyle sounds better and better everyday.

My iGoogle quotes application had the perfect quote for me today: "Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down." Thank you, Russell Baker. Tell me where I can get one of those.

Here's the latest and greatest story:

My buddy Meghan and I went out for a nice peaceful dinner at Bob Evans. I love their service, and it's just great. Meghan is part of the family who is graciously loaning me the car that I currently have until I go overseas (in January, it looks like...but nothing is certain yet!). Anyway, we finished dinner and then went over to Bible Study with all the young adults.

When I got out of the car, I thought about cracking the window, but for some reason decided not to: I remember sitting there in the car debating it. In the end, I closed all the windows - something that may have been super helpful in letting me know something was wrong in the end.

Went through Bible Study, and ran out fairly quickly at the end, because I needed to go to Walmart and pick up a few things. When I left the house, I saw that all the windows of the car were fogged up - kind of like in movies, when someone is making out in the car, and they don't want you to see anything more than shadows.

I was a little freaked, then opened the door.

Smoke started pouring out of the car.

The guys from the Bible study were standing there, like....that's not good. We started searching around the car to see if there was anything that was causing the smoke, and couldn't find it for a moment - then I noticed that on the seat right behind the driver had a huge brown spot, and the smoke was coming from that general area

Long story short, there was a wire for the trunk light attached to the fuse box, going under the carpet to the back of the car. Through the processes of time, the wire worked it's way up until it must have come into contact with the metal of the seat frame. That's not a big deal, because the wire had a plastic coating. However, the plastic coating began to wear away, just from contact. Eventually, it broke through, and was a bare, live wire touching the seat frame. It drained the battery (as a live wire) and the heat/current was too much, so it started to smolder.

By the time that I got to it, it had eaten away a good portion of the foam inside the edge of the seat. By the time that I get it completely cleaned up, it will be missing a good foot or so of the seat.

I was so thankful that it happened when and where it did. I have to be positive about it all (although I will admit, my car issues are really starting to wear on me - I won't be optimistic forever!). It could not have happened among better people - the guys from Bible study are a bunch of engineers, so it was perfect - they were able to fix it quickly. If it had been just me, I'd have dumped a bucket of water all over it and completely overlooked the source of the problem. But these guys are smart, and have all earned my personal "hero of the week" award.

The guys also had to jumpstart the car, since the battery had been drained.

We had it running, no more smoke or smoldering (we drowned it using our host's watering can) and I even got followed home to make sure that I made it just fine.

I do have to say, it smells completely foul. That foam inside seats smells DISGUSTING when it burns. Fire extinguishers aren't that pleasant either.

Extra strength Febreeze just isn't making the cut either. I went out to take a few pictures to accompany this blog post, and I could smell my car from three or four cars away.

On my facebook status, I've had people suggest lighting a match, and putting a can of coffee grounds in their when it's all closed up tightly, but if anyone has suggestions, I'll take them. Please. I'm scared the police are going to call me, asking where I hid the body.

I plan to totally clean it up as soon as I get a chance: cut away all the nasty stuff and get it all smelly good again. But in the meantime, take a look at the pictures....it's unbelievable.

Stay tuned...at the rate I'm going, tomorrow I'll be telling you all that a meteor hit my car.

Update on the Car - SOLD!

2009-08-03T15:36:00.000-04:00

By the way, I just wanted to let all of you know that I sold my car this weekend. I posted my ad on Southern Maryland online, and within two days, I had cash in hand.

Amazing.

A young couple bought it: she’d always wanted an SUV, and he’s an airplane mechanic, and has rebuilt a transmission before. So it’s in excellent hands. I could not be more excited.

I got a few pictures to commemorate the event. My church family knows that I’ve had trouble with this car, and has figured more than once that we needed to have a car bashing event. I had people lining up to bring some sanctified sledgehammers, holy baseball bats, and refining fire. So I had to get some “joke” pictures.

All I gotta say is that God’s good. He sure took care of this situation in an amazing way.

Enjoy the pictures: because I sure did.

Me and my first car....

How I felt the first time it died by the side of the road....

How I felt the second time it died by the side of the road...

And this is just a little warning to my next vehicle....

*please note, no vehicles were harmed in the making of this blog post - I had already been paid for the car when I took these pictures, so I didn't want to harm it at all - after all, the money went straight into the purchase of a computer so I'll have it overseas.*

Thanks, all of you, for being AWESOME about the car.

Music Monday (and a bit of testimony) – Rush of Fools, “Can’t Get Away”

2009-08-03T15:14:00.000-04:00

I love this song. Watch the imbedded video below. If you’re on Facebook, you need to just go to my blog. It’s infinitely cooler, really.

You know what’s funny, is that I realized that yesterday marked a significant day in my life: the one where it seemed that God was making it clear that an evangelical life was to be more than just a lifestyle for me, it was to become my vocation. Simply put, it was my calling. It was what I was supposed to be doing.

See, a year ago yesterday, I got back from a trip to Mexico. It was life-changing. It was something that woke up something inside me, something that had been waiting for the “right” moment to surface and seize my mind.

What made it so funny to me, was that, at that time of my life, I was running in the opposite direction – I was going my way, with my plan. My dreams, my goals. My choices. My way.

I was being the good church girl. I was singing in the choir; singing in church, getting ready to lead the youth group. Working with kids. I mean, I even worked in the nursery (I think you still should get bonus points in heaven for changing diapers in the nursery, really). I was going on ministry trips to foreign countries.

Outwardly, my life looked perfect.

On the inside, I was falling apart.

You know how Jesus called out the Pharisees? Here’s the passage (Matthew 23: 27-28): “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” (ESV)

Jesus really called them out for what was messed up. Everything looked right in their lives, but it was like rotting nastiness. Disgusting. Putrid. Vile. Do you get the picture? They looked great, but weren’t on the inside.

That was me (actually, it still is me – but I’m far more aware of it and am striving towards Christ). The problem is, I was running - the wrong way.

God had a plan for me. My friends seemed to be running with me, then God stopped them and gave them a 180 as well. God woke me up, and showed me that He had something else for me. I grappled with God, but my will was not dominant here. God grabbed me, and when I finally surrendered my will to his, I’m telling you, my faith has never been more real. He’s opened up his plan more and more to me, and as I step out in faith, God keeps revealing more and more. Does that mean it's easy? No way! But I've got a direction. A flashlight, of sorts, showing where my foot is supposed to land.

As I walk through the doors He opens, he illuminates more and more of the path and where it is that I am supposed to go.

When I think of how God worked in my life last year, it makes me think of this song. Read the lyrics; listen to the song. It’s amazing.

I am an arrow, I am a rocket
I am a river and nothing can stop it
Cause You are the target and You are the atmosphere
You are the ocean that keeps pulling me, You're pulling me here

[Chorus:]
And I, can't get away, can't get away
Can't get away, can't get away
I can't get away, can't get away...I keep running into You

I am a beggar, You are the table
I am so helpless, God You are so able
And when I get turned around You change my direction
You're so perfect, I'm so broken, here You come with arms wide open
Chasing after me down every road
You're always waiting there

[Chorus]

Even when I close my eyes, I can't help but see
There's no place that I can hide, You're such a part of me
I can't get away cause I keep running into You
I can't get away...

Rush of Fools has many more amazing songs. I also am rather fond of this one (Lose it All) as well (another imbedded video):

Listen to the chorus: it’s my life theme.

Coffee (Mis)Adventures

2009-07-30T14:01:00.000-04:00

The coffee mess is a staple of any work place. When I worked for the Naval Air Systems Command (NAVAIR) National Help Desk, there was a coffee mess that served some of the nastiest, bitterest sludge you’ve ever tasted: I think it had been there since the Navy was born. In order to have this delicacy, you had to drop 50 cents in a rusty Folgers can to help offset the cost of supplies (ie, Styrofoam cups). I was only that desperate for coffee once; I’m amazed that I still have teeth after drinking it. But day after day, I’d see people walking around with one of their little signature Styrofoam cups, going back again and again.

After I took a job with a different company, for a job more up my alley, I discovered that the coffee mess holds the same allure in any office building. There were at least four coffee messes in this new place, but they did NOT have the legendary donation can. You could help yourself.

I was in love.

Granted, it was still not the best coffee (give me freshly-roasted, freshly-ground, french-press coffee any day!), but it was still liquid caffeine.

Here, we find it an ethical responsibility to make more coffee if we get the last cup or so from the pot. It’s a job that most people are cool with: only occasionally do we smell that nasty odor of charcoal crackling at the bottom of an almost empty pot.

One day, I had just finished my lunch. I had pickles with my lunch, and had the empty jar in my hand, to go rinse it out before I disposed of it. The sink is right next to the coffee pot, which someone had just replenished. It was three-quarters full, and filling fast: the stream of brewing coffee showed no signs of stopping.

I dumped leftover pickle juice in the sink and rinsed out the jar, watching the coffee rise in the pot - fuller, and fuller, and fuller.

The coffee in the pot reached the brim – and didn’t stop.

I dumped the water out of the pickle jar, snatched the coffee decanter out of the way, and held the pickle jar under the steady stream of coffee.

Imagine: I’m standing there, pickle jar in my left hand, full pot of coffee in my right. Here’s where it got crazy: I couldn’t set the coffee pot down, because there was no counter space. I wasn’t sure about setting the pickle jar down on the coffee burner; just didn’t want to take any chances.

The coffee mess is where people can’t see you unless they are walking by, and they have to have a reason to be in that part of the building. It’s off the beaten path.

So I was stuck standing there until the coffee finally stopped. And I’m telling you, that pickle jar was nearly full when it was over (not to mention, it was hot).

Lesson learned: always have a pickle jar handy. You never know when you’ll need it.

Is it just me? Am I the only person who has insanity as a daily occurrence?

For Sale: 2 Years of Memories

2009-07-29T15:04:00.003-04:00

Today I did something that feels pretty bittersweet. I posted my car for sale on the SoMD classifieds.

I’m going through all the appropriate sad feelings and all that. I mean, after all, it was my first car. It was one that I started driving first out of college. It got me around. I drove it to North Carolina, when I made the biggest purchase of my life (a Salvi Sinfonietta – or a pretty sweet harp, for those who aren’t sure what a Salvi is, or a Sinfonietta, for that matter). I drove to Richmond in it this past May to find out about something utterly life-changing. I’ve done some hard core praying in that car. I’ve wept in it when I gave up my dreams, my goals. I’ve prayed in there; lifted up my deepest heartaches to God.

Now it’s been more than a bit unfaithful to me. If you’ve followed my car angst on Facebook, or Twitter, or even here (if I documented it), you know that it’s not been treating me well. The only thing that I’ve really learned is that I need to marry someone rich, or who is a mechanic, so that when it goes wrong, as it eventually will, I will have someone or someway to take care of me (and it). I’ve been stranded by the side of the road (twice), had multiple repairs, and have gone through all kinds of things dealing with this car.

The car has been in “rough” shape for a while. I mean, it looks great. The body is nice, and it looks like a wonderful car. But it’s the inside that’s killing me. It’s had two engine replacements, and has a failing transmission. It’s just not reliable for my needs right now.

In May, it started making a lot of noise. I took it in to the mechanics, and dropped it off.

He called me a few hours later. “Well, we’ve figured out what’s wrong. Are you sitting down?”

Note: when the mechanic asks if you are sitting down, that means it’s bad. Really bad. Sit immediately and brace yourself.

“The transmission is failing,” he said.

Pause.

“So what am I looking at?”

“Well, it would be about $3200 to fix.”

Another pause.

Yeah. Right. Like I was going to sink $3200 in my car. I don’t know about you all, but if I had $3200 just sitting around, I’d go get a new car, you know?

“So how long do I have before it dies and leaves me by the side of the road?”

“Well, it could be tomorrow, it could be six months from now. You never know.”

So I picked it up, thanked him quite nicely (after all, the poor guy obviously felt bad)!

I drove it until a few weeks ago, when I was on my way home from church. I felt a tremor go through the car. That was probably one of the scariest things I’ve ever felt in my life.

Praise God, a family at my church has an extra car that no one is using, and they are letting me use it until I leave the country at the end of the year. That is the biggest blessing ever. I hope they know how much I appreciate it.

Since my old car is still running, I’m trying to sell it for as much money as I possibly can get. I’m being up front with folks, letting them know just what’s wrong.

I posted it this morning, and have been contacted by three people. So we’ll see how it goes. God will provide.

I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

It’s an odd experience. I’m sad, but I’m not. I’m happy, but I’m not. Just not even sure how I feel about it. I guess it’s another thing that I’m choosing to leave behind, which is totally cool. Funny how literal Jesus was when he said we have to leave all behind …

In the meantime, does anyone want to buy a used 2000 Ford Explorer for $750 OBO?

Late Music Monday - "Hurricane" by Jimmy Needham

2009-07-28T11:09:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was like a hurricane – fast winds came and swept the day away. I was still sitting at my desk at 6p.m., wondering just what had happened and why in the world was I still there. So needless to say, I didn’t even get to even think about a blog post.

With that little thought in mind, I’ve picked my music Monday song: “Hurricane” by Jimmy Needham.

Watch the imbedded youtube video below:

Amazing song.

I like how I discovered Jimmy Needham’s music. This past March, I was at a youth event, Uncharted, in Baltimore, Md. We had multiple worship artists, like Rush of Fools. We had a Stellar Kart concert (Life is Good; Eternal Life is BETTER!). The event was an opportunity for the youth to reach out to the Baltimore area. We ended up picking up trash from a public park, which was ridiculously messy and disgusting. I was mortified to watch kids emerge from the woods with enough liquor bottles in their arms to stock a liquor store. It was amazing to see the kids reaching out beyond themselves; their actions a living testimony. People stood and watched us as we picked up trash, and we were able to open doors for more witnessing opportunities.

Youth events come with little sleep, and this was no different. Me being the conscientious youth leader that I am, slept in front of the door so that no girls would be leaving the room in the middle of the night to meet boys – you may laugh, but I’m not eager to be finding out afterwards that they’re getting more lovin’ than I am! Parents, appreciate me.

Needless to say, after a night with very little sleep, and running all over a park picking up the scum of the earth, I was wiped out. We had time to go get dinner after cleaning the park, and went to the mall where the kids swarmed the foot court, buying pizza, or whatever was there.

I got the largest coffee that Chick-fil-a offers.

When we got back to the church where we were meeting for the last session before we went home, I hung out in the lobby nursing my coffee. Couldn’t take it in the sanctuary, so I had to finish it outside. I was definitely not the only youth leader doing that. We all looked haggard, but happy. We swapped stories about what we had seen; done. Where we slept. My sleeping bag on the floor of a church nursery started to sound pretty good…
Anyhow, I’ve never imagined that there could be such a thing as too much coffee. It was ridiculous (plus it was a nasty coffee – but I was desperate for caffeine).

I was desperately trying to gulp it down so I could go in with the kids. While working on it, I was browsing artist tables. Now this event was a Friday-Saturday event, but there was a new table on Saturday afternoon that I hadn’t seen before, for some guy named Jimmy Needham.

I looked over his stuff, then the guy at the table was like, “we’re having a special. Both of Jimmy’s CDs PLUS his newest single, all together, 20 bucks!”

I was skeptical. “I’ll think about it.”

“You won’t regret it.” He handed me his business card. “I’m his drummer. You let me know if you don’t like it. I’d be amazed if you do.”

“But honestly, why should I buy his CDs? I mean, I’ve never even heard of this guy.”

“What? We’ll fix that.” He whipped out his blackberry, punched a few buttons, and handed it to me. “Listen to a few song samples.”

It only took listening to a few bars for me to fall in love.

“I’ll take the CD set.”

And I'd like you to know that no complaints have ever made their way to the drummer. Jimmy's music is amazing.

Back to "Hurricane": after a rough day like yesterday, I find the second verse to be so profound:

2nd Verse
I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

Chorus:
I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

God speaks in the still small voice. In the hurricane. In the raging storms, or in the stillness: he gives us what we NEED not what we think we want.

Check out his website. Jimmy is one grounded fellow that I am delighted to recommend to any and all.

Did You Know Hugo?

2009-07-24T15:01:00.001-04:00

Did you know Hugo?

That’s the question they ask. Not, “did you know the cyclist,” or “did you know the fellow who worked for NAVAIR.” Not “did you know this guy."

Did you know Hugo?

Why are they asking this? Because Hugo Gonzalez was struck by a car and killed while he was cycling on July 11, 2009.

According to the news story from one of Southern Maryland’s online news sources, the Baynet, the driver of the other car was heading north on route 235, while Hugo was going south. The vehicle crossed over the entire road, and struck Hugo, killing him immediately.

You can read the entire story on the Baynet here. There’s a photo gallery that will really blow your mind: I never would have thought that an accident between a car and a cyclist could cause so much damage (especially to a car).

Anytime something like this happens, the person’s community is struck. The people who touch his life were changed forever. There is a shadow of that person over events for a while.

My dad is an avid cyclist. He is full into the sport: he’s got excellent gear, a hard-core training program, and multiple high-end bikes. Many evenings, I can find him in the garage, cleaning up his bike, listening to NPR. I’ll sit on the stool every now and then, watch him, and we’ll keep each other company and talk. It’s pleasant, actually.

Many of my siblings are into cycling too. They love it; it’s a way to stay fit, to work out and be healthy. I’m all about that for them, it’s just not quite my cup of tea.

But it’s still a great factor in our home life – it is something that all of us are highly aware of. We talk about cyclists at the dinner table like other people talk about the latest NFL picks, or their favorite sports teams, or who’s the best pick for March Madness. Cycling flavors our lives; it’s there, and it’s not going away.

My dad explained what must have happened: most cyclists go a steady clip on straight roads, so Hugo could have been going maybe 20-30 mph. The car could have been going somewhere around 50-60mph. It veered across the road. The impact happened so fast: less than a second to think “oh, it’s coming at me...”

No, there isn’t even time for that, and he was gone.

***

After something like that, especially when it is something that is so close to us (what if that was ME?), everyone has to deal with it in different ways. My dad went out to the site to see where it had happened. He did not know Hugo; they didn’t run in the same cycling circles. There were flowers around; a makeshift memorial. Among the memorabilia left there, my dad found an energy bar with the slightest bit of a corner from the wrapper torn off. That’s not the sort of thing that someone would leave at a memorial. What if Hugo had been at the point in his ride where he needed a little nourishment, looked down for a second to open the bar, and never even knew what happened? Just a moment, but he was gone forever.

Photos showed the pieces of his bike: the carbon-fiber frame was shredded, the wheels bent and misshapen.

Things go so bad; so fast.

It can never happen to you, right?

WRONG.

Some time ago, my dad was riding with Pax Velo, a local cyclist’s group. They go for rides regularly. My dad was on a normal ride, around the Navy base, when his front tire slipped into a crack in the pavement. It stuck, but the momentum had to go somewhere. The front wheel stayed there, while the back of the bike flipped over. It was a classic over the handlebars fall – except my dad landed right on the top of his head, smacked his back on the pavement, and ended in a sitting position.

Praise God, the end of the story is that he is alright. But it broke his bike, his helmet, scratched him up a lot, put him in a neck brace, and cracked a few vertebrae. It took some time before he was getting back on a bike. Who knows, he may be quite the expert at predicting the weather someday (gotta find a silver lining, right?).

There was only a moment of lucidity between the wheel sticking and impact – a moment where all you are aware of is how much you’re aware of how alive you are and how dead you could possibly be in only a second.

It can happen. A moment. Look down a second. Take one wrong turn. Wrong place at the wrong time.

Granted, I’ll give you that it’s God’s timing; that nothing ever happens by accident.

But what does that mean? What’s our response to be?

Human beings are basically pendulums, always in swinging motion, trying to find balance. We tend towards extremes: when we touch a hot stove, we pull our hand off and go get ice. We use warm water to unstuck our tongues from a frozen pole (A Christmas story, anyone?).

So when we see something like this, we tend to pull back. There’s a little something in us that is fearful. Holding us from giving it our all, no matter what it is.

2 Timothy has a verse for this. Check out chapter 1, verse 7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (KJV)

Obviously, we gotta have that faith in God. We’re not meant to be fearful. We are to have boldness through Christ. He alone gives us the power to get through each day. To love others as we ought.

I do appreciate the last bit of that verse: “and of a sound mind.”

Even God gives a reminder for idiots. Don’t go do something stupid, out of a “no-fear” mentality. Bungee jumping without a rope could be a bad idea. Skydiving without a parachute probably would be a bad idea too. Just an idea.

But we can’t hide away. Bad things happen all the time; everyday. Cars cross the road and hit an innocent bystander. Tires get stuck in cracks in the road. I’m sure that every now and then, and Acme anvil falls from the sky, like in Looney Toons. It could happen!

A blogger that I follow covered this idea rather eloquently recently. He stated that the biggest tragedy is not death, but a dying without having lived. Read his post here; it’s truly beautiful. Thank you, Billy Coffey.

Did you know Hugo?

They didn’t ask if they knew the cyclist, or the triathlete. Those who were impacted asked this question.

Did you know Hugo?

What will be asked when you pass on?

Let’s rephrase that: what do you want people to be asking? Do you just want to be “that girl down the hall at work” or “that guy who rode a bike” or “that family who sat in that pew at church” or “that person nobody really knew that well but now feels guilty since you’re dead.”

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Claim that with boldness.

Did you know Hugo?

It Wasn’t Even Mine! (or, Busted with the Beer Can)

2009-07-22T13:05:00.000-04:00

So I was walking into work the other day, and noticed that there was a Heineken beer can on the edge of the sidewalk leading to the front door of my work building.

Now I’m no tree-hugger, but I’m not going to just pass by a piece of disgusting trash. Everyone sees stuff like that when they walk in, and it’s ridiculous that it’s still there. We’re all adults, working in that building. If we were all five year olds, I’d understand – I’ve learned that most people cannot see trash, clutter, mess, etc., until they are at least high school (my mom still wonders if I can see it, and I'm post-college). Even then, the skill is shaky and uncertain until the person has kids, and then magically their eyes are opened to the trash everywhere.

I digress. The point is, we’re all adults, it wasn’t like I was the first person to walk into work and pass the beer can. I could not have been the only one to see it and think, man, that’s just not cool ... especially since we just won a huge contract, and have to hire for the work. We’ve got a steady stream of important people coming in for interviews.

So I picked it up. I was with a work buddy, Rae, and we were walking to the front door. I must confess, I was thinking, wouldn’t it be funny if I ran into someone important?

Another side note: that’s an advantage and disadvantage of the corporate offices. You get to work with/near the bigwigs. It can be good, it can be bad. I'm still on the fence.

Anyhow, as I’m thinking that, the head of our human resources department came around the corner. There’s no avoiding her, and definitely no hiding the beer can. She’s already seen it for sure!

We made eye contact, and I swear her eyebrow went up slightly. It was the kind of raised eyebrow that makes you feel this =>. small and you kindof wish the earth would open and you could sink somewhere. Maybe Alaska. Or China.

And at that moment, I succumbed to one of my greatest faults – klutziness. I mean, trip-over-my-own-feet klutziness. While holding a beer can. At work. In front of the HR director.

Wow.

And the only thing that I can think to say (while holding up the beer can) is, “wow, that was some weekend!”

FAIL.

Ever been caught in an awkward situation like that? Especially in front of someone important. I’ve been, more than once. I have a penchant for the awkward. I apparently thrive off it. It’s genetic or in my blood, like a disease (thanks, Mom and Dad!). Either way, it always happens to me.

I’d love to be reassured that I’m not the only one. Please?

Shackled to My Desk (or, How to Escape the Proverbial Ball and Chain)

2009-07-21T14:42:00.000-04:00

Ever felt like you were wearing a ball and chain?

You know what I’m talking about – it’s not there, you can’t see it, but you feel it holding you down. It’s like a diver’s weight, keeping you at the bottom of the ocean. It’s holding you down. Weighing on your shoulders. Giving you stress, keeping you from being the ultimate that you can be.

People find those shackles in a multitude of places. Work. Marriage. Friends. Church. Responsibilities. Kids. You name it, there’s at least one person who will find that to be their ball and chain.

Is it really?

I watched the movie “Up” recently. The characters wanted to have an adventure. Since they were tiny, small children, they wanted to go see the world, visit these amazing waterfalls. They dreamed of having their house at the top; of living the adventurer’s life.

I’m not going to talk more about that movie. But you need to go watch it. Buy it for Christmas, or whenever it comes out on DVD. The message is worth it. It’s an epic win for Pixar.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how our lives are affected by the events that happen. How they shape us into who we are. I was thinking more along the negative side, because there are a few people in this world that I cannot get along with, and will plan my life to avoid crossing paths with them. (I feel horrible for that, btw, and have been working on it. But it’s proving to me that I AM very human – it’s hard).

Anyhow.

Here’s a bit of what I’m seeing, especially in me. I’m looking ahead. Nothing wrong with that. But every cell in my body is yearning for October. When I drop what feels insanely like a ball and chain. When I completely transition my life, when I get ready to go to the other side of the world for two years. My focus is on tomorrow, not today. I'm looking ahead, and not enjoying what's going on today.

Aren’t we a looking ahead generation? We participate in long-term care health plans, retirement funds (mine is available to me in 2040, I think. 2040!) We’re all about looking ahead, planning ahead, being prepared for the next big thing.

Nothing wrong with that, as long as it’s contained.

I’ve met too many people who get to the end, look back, and see years of hard work, labor, and stress, preparing for something they can’t enjoy now that they've reached their goal. They can’t take that dream vacation because of medical issues. They can’t visit family, because they’re estranged from them because “all they ever did was work.” They don't have those little happy memories, like t-ball games, family vacations, and lazy summer evenings, because those were all filled with work. They didn't have time for that stuff. Then.

There’s a time and place for pretty much everything. But we need to find joy in the moment. Those little memories last. They stick in our brains, like a piece of gun stuck to the bottom of your shoe. You remember them when you least expect them.

I was driving through Waldorf, MD last Friday night, and I remembered another instance of driving on that road, talking to a friend. Didn’t think that was much of a memory, but it was so huge and completely overwhelming I just wanted to pull over and cry. We didn’t talk about anything earth-shattering, for certain. But it was powerful.

Carpe diem? I dunno. It requires a balance.

But we ARE told that we just don’t know when Christ will return, so we can’t really plan on tomorrow. Like I’ve told friends before, that doesn’t mean we should be stupid. We don’t need to act like the grasshopper in Aesop’s fable. But we can’t lose those moments as they come.

I lost my original chain of thought. Everything that we go through changes us; shapes us into who we are. Our experience is a filter through which everything we go through after must come through. That makes us wiser. We've had more experiences. We've been through joy, pain, heartache (or heartbreak). It changes how we see the world.

And you know...that's really not a bad thing.

I guess that the ball and chain is more in the head. I won't deny that there are some things that feel like a ball and chain for a reason. But most of it we do to ourselves.

Just a thought.

Here’s a couple more random thoughts. Didn't really know where else to put them.

Remember yesterday’s post? Well, a friend emailed me this morning and told me that she heard it was Brandon Heath’s birthday. Nice timing. Like he’ll ever see/hear about this blog, but happy birthday Brandon Heath.

Oh. And speaking of a balance and things shackling you down, I don’t advocate staying in a job just because. I found a great article that I wanted to share. Check it out: it’s called “Find Your Quitting Point.”

Anyhow. I've reached my blogging quitting point for today. Sorry it's a bit disjointed. Do want to throw out a holla to my new blogger followers! I went from 1 to 6 in a week. You guys are great! And all you folks who read on facebook = amazing. All those thumbs up you give are amazing. Thanks.

HB

Music Monday - Brandon Heath, "Give Me Your Eyes"

2009-07-20T13:55:00.000-04:00

I was on a trip to Florida with a few buddies when I first heard of Brandon Heath. Nat and I ran to Walmart to go find some aloe vera lotion (go figure, we got fried like a couple of bugs when we were on the beach watching Hurricane Gustav come in). I had to pick up Chris Tomlin’s new CD (vacations are about splurges, right?), and Nat looked for a particular CD that had just come out, “What if We” by Brandon Heath. She pointed it out to me, and thought about buying it, and decided that her vacation was not all about splurging.

Side note: Nat is one of my heroes. She works in the ghettos in Knoxville, Tennessee. She’s got an accounting degree, and has chosen instead to work in the inner city. She’s got a gift and a passion, you’ve only got to listen to her talk once to know that. I want to be just like her if I grow up – bold, passionate, and sacrificial.

Back to the music. She didn’t get the CD, and I didn’t have the sense to buy it for her.

I didn’t hear the name Brandon Heath for a while, until I got the Wow Hits 2009 CD for Christmas. I stuck the second, “edgier” disc in the CD player, got to track 7, and almost died. Let’s put it this way – Brandon Heath went right to the top of my “must buy” CD list (which, I might add, is huge).

Listen to the song (youtube video embedded below).

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see.

You can find the CD here at amazon.com. It's an excellent CD; worth your purchase.

Have you ever thought how you’d treat someone if you saw them the way God sees them?

Have you?

You know that annoying co-worker, that boss, that neighbor, that thorn-in-the-flesh-person that you can’t get rid of?

We’ve got to see them as God sees them.

See them as created in his image. See them as hurting people. Fearful. Lost. Lonely. Searching. Seeking.

Have you ever been on a mission? You know, like a guy shopping. Get in, find the item, make the kill (i.e., purchase) and get out as fast as possible (preferably without anyone seeing you). When you are focused, you get it done as fast as possible, without distractions. There’s a time and place for that, I don’t doubt it (like when shopping – I think that guys have that concept correct!). But we do need to utilize the whole “stop and smell the roses” concept.

I’ve definitely plowed over more than one person while on my own little personal missions. I had my thing that I needed to do, my place that I needed to go, this person that I needed to see ... and I ran over someone who desperately needed just to be shown some love.

There are definitely some people that you can only love when you use God’s eyes. Are you praying for the eyes of Christ, to see the needs of others?

You know, it’s struck me that so many of us feel that we’re alone in our walk. We’re fighting the fight, being “persecuted or picked on” and that we’re so unbearably alone.

I call this an Elijah complex. Go read 1 Kings 19: 9-18. Elijah is hiding in a cave, after defeating the prophets of Baal. He’s sitting there, whining about being all alone. Poor God. He must get irritated with our stupidity sometimes. Basically, God tells Elijah, “Look. There are 7,000 other people faithful to me. Stop being a moron.” (my version – I don’t know if God uses the term “moron,” although something in my brain recalls it having been a Biblical term).

Here’s where I come full circle. If we are looking at the world through God’s eyes; through a Godly perspective, we’ve gotta wonder…how alone are we going to be in our walk? If we’re reaching out to the needs around us, and show God’s love, how many people would come to a knowledge of him? Don’t you think that negative stereotypes of Christians would slowly fade away?

I’m not saying we’re going to be like a world peace logo – a bunch of stick people holding hands on a globe. We’re not going to be seated around a campfire holding hands and singing kumbayah either. We’re imperfect people. We have a sin nature (and that blessed thing called hormones).

Yeah. God, give me your eyes.

I'm Twitter-pated

2009-07-16T15:10:00.001-04:00

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve fallen in love with Twitter. I’m twitter-pated, if you’d like to say it that way. I fall right smack-dab into this blog entry that someone wrote about the 46 stages of twitter (see below for a link). Yes, that’s totally me.

Check twitter out.

Follow me at twitter.com/missofg

Retweet (RT) me.

Direct message (DM) me.

@ me. Talk to me.

Yes, I’m a totally addicted twit. You're probably thinking that I'm lame. No. If there's a multitude of us, I can't possibly be lame. I mean, here's a few folks I LOVE following on Twitter:

@crowderband - David Crowder Band. It was a highlight of my day when they @replied to a tweet I wrote. Woohoo!
@stringerzoo Someone I know! How cool is that?
@fuzziestturtle - Another someone I know! We've talked about a few things...
@lahryan - Another someone I know! We talked about the global warming group that put a sign on Mount Rushmore. Laaaame. But still cool.
@IAmKellyFierce - Kelly from the office. She spends all her Twitter time arguing with her love interest, @veRY_ANgelic (Ryan). It never fails to make me laugh.
@prodigaljohn - He writes the Stuff Christians Like blog. And he knows how to be funny in 140 characters or less. I love it.

Check out the people I follow. There are some very interesting ones. I love it! I couldn't possibly mention them all, but they make my twitter experience amazing. There's tons of other random people to follow! I follow pastors, musicians, and all kinds of people. And I love it.

Thankfully, I'm not the only one who loves twitter. A few people have expressed their addiction better than me. Check out the “46 Stages of Twitter” here.

And see what David Crowder Band had to say. Watch the embedded video. I almost fell off my chair laughing. Why? I understand it.

I dare you to not laugh.

Now I gotta go tweet about this.

Be Wary in the Walmart Parking Lot (or, How Face Powder Could Save Your Life)

2009-07-15T15:35:00.001-04:00

On Monday night, I went to Walmart after prayer. I had to talk to someone, and wasn’t ready to go home. I was on the phone with her, talking about life, internally debating the merits of one face powder over another, and just having a typical single girl kind of evening, ie, a boring one where you wander Walmart at 10:30 at night because you don’t have someone who is wondering why you aren’t home yet.

When I walked out, it was dark; about 10:45 p.m. That’s the time when I am aware of every cell in my body, when everything inside me is on red-alert, ready to do what it takes should someone pop out of nowhere wielding a death stick of some sort, ready to send me to see God prematurely of my plans. There was a bit of a chill in the air, tainted with a whiff of cigarette smoke – from the group of employees sitting on the curb, enjoying a small bit of a break.

There was someone walking relatively close behind me – about 10-20 feet. I was walking out to my car, feeling more than a little freaked out.

I held my keys in eye-gouging stance – you know, held between my fingers, a bit like Wolverine. I was ready to inflict some serious damage if someone was dumb enough to mess with me.

I heard a sound behind me.

I tensed up and turned around, ready to throw my nearly empty bag at them – my face powder was sure to inflict some serious damage, you know?

Turns out, it was some little old lady who had been walking behind me, getting into her car. Dude, she was even in a handicapped spot. What would she have done to me, hit me with her “pocketbook”?

I felt more than a little foolish for the fear that had coursed through my body a mere moment before.

But as I drove home, it struck me. When it’s dark, we’re ready. We’re on alert. We see it as a time when attacks will come, when issues will hit. When we are vulnerable.

Isn’t it like that in our faith? There are times when it is obvious that we’re about to be attacked. It’s just the right atmosphere for it, it seems like the right time, it’s the “witching hour” per se, when fear devours your hope and leaves you helpless with sheer dumb terror.

But during the daylight sunny hours? Who’d think that attacks would be done in broad daylight, when we’re feeling good, we’re happy, everything is going right. When there are people around, who are watching. When You’re in a place of seeming absolute safety.

That’s when we’re in the most danger. 1 Corinthians addresses this in chapter 10, verse 12: "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall."

It’s always when we’re thinking that we’re invincible that we are the most likely to fall. When we’re on the “high;” everything is going perfectly right. When people are looking at us, thinking ‘wow, they have the perfect life. They must be in good with God.’ News flash, I've learned the hard way that when my life looks perfect like that, I'm going through the worst, most horrendous struggles of my life.

Take heed. Be careful. Walk circumspectly (carefully considering all circumstances, for all you non-KJV peeps out there). Be wary. Watch out for that pride – it WILL bite you and tear you down, making you vulnerable. Experience speaking here, people!

That doesn’t mean to not let your guard down at other times, especially in the Walmart parking lot. I hear those little old ladies carry so much stuff in their pocketbooks they could kill you.

While the Parents Are Away …

2009-07-14T14:16:00.006-04:00

… the kids will surely play!

That describes last weekend. My family is one of the funniest groups that you’ll see together in a long time. We can’t help it, we’re just … interesting.

My parents went away for the weekend to attend some homeschool curriculum fair. They were interested in finding stuff, cleaning out our textbook library. Normal homeschooling family stuff.

Since they were gone, we decided to have a good ol’ time. For the past few years that they have been gone, we’ve found a new tradition – cow appreciation day at Chick-fil-a. This year, though, Becky brought her boyfriend, Anibal. BTW, if you are looking at this on my Facebook, you need to be looking at my blog: hollybrennan.blogspot.com.

Here’s a few pics of the good times:

Getting ready for going.

Out in front of the Chick-fil-a.

All of us inside Chick-fil-a. We got the manager to take our picture.

Overall, it was a great time.. I twittered the whole time (like some freaky addict - at least I recognize my issues!). We know how to get the attention of the whole place - when Anibal sucked all the helium out of a balloon and started laughing some demonic, high pitched sound (for about five seconds), I thought we were going to be rolling on the floor. It was amazing.

The manager loved us (which could be good or bad...Anibal's not sure yet if/when he can show his face in there again). We were hilarious, and very, very well-behaved. I swear! It was an amazing good time. I love doing that sort of stuff.

Adventure is everywhere...and sometimes you have to make it.

Music Monday – Kutless, “Take Me In”

2009-07-13T13:16:00.000-04:00

Ever have one of those songs that really grips your heart, music, lyrics, and all? Just makes you want to fall down on your face and worship? Yeah, there are a few that are like that for me. And yes, I will be rather eager to share about them here for my Music Monday posts. So get ready.

Obviously I’m rather unapologetically into worship music. So you’re going to see a lot of these songs covered for Music Monday.

Check this song out (if you're reading on Facebook, there's a YouTube link below. Visit my actual blog to see it ):

I got the Kutless worship CD, “Strong Tower” on a whim. I liked the title song that appeared on a Wow Hits CD (2006, I believe). So I figured that more of the same could not be a bad thing. It was more of the same till this little gen, the third track, played.

Read the words, or if you’re watching the YouTube imbedded video, close your eyes and listen:

Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see Your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
The priests who sing Your praise
I hunger and thirst for Your righteousness
And it's only found one place

Take me in to the Holy of Holies
Take me in by the blood of the Lamb
Take me in to the Holy of Holies
Take the coal, cleanse my lips, here I am.

I imagine a music video for this song….walking into the presence of God in the temple – focusing on the bare feet, walking through the temple past the sights, walking inside, to the great veil that has been ripped in twain, giving direct access to God.

Right now, for Tuesday night Bible study, we’re talking about the law. A lot of our focus recently has been the sacrifices, so imagining some of this is not difficult. The tabernacle was a holy, bloody, terrifying place. A place of the utmost of worship; it was sacred ground.

I guess the part that amazes me is that we have access now to the holy of holies. In the old Testament, people didn’t hardly dare dream of that kind of access. It was held by a rare few, the ones who offered the sacrifice on behalf of the others. They went through an incredible cleansing process before they went in, and did not take that lightly.

The song makes me think of a reverential approach to God, arms humbly lifted, asking to be taken in. Yes, he has granted us access … yet this song seems to imply a humble approach. Not prancing in as though we have the right to just waltz up to God and treat him like anyone else, but that we approach humbly, with the greatest and utmost of respect and deference.

The challenge to walk away with from this song is our approach to God. Yes, we are told that we may BOLDLY approach the throne of Grace. However, I think that we can approach boldly, yet with respect. People have completely divorced these terms, which is so wrong.

Respect from us shows an understanding of who we are, especially in light of who God is. And that is of great importance when approaching God - we are nothing, and He is everything.

Playing With My Blog

2009-07-10T13:29:00.002-04:00

So I’ve been playing around on the web, and checking out some of the cool stuff that is out there. I’ve been avidly following other amazing blogs, and loving the resources that I am finding on them.

One such resource was Wordle – you can input your blog address into their website, and it will create a word cloud with the most-oft used words on your blog, or you can put in a bunch of random words and play a bit with the design. More popular words will have more prominence, and others will just represent.

On a lark, I put my blog in, and could not be more pleased with the results: take a peek below:

If you are reading this on my Facebook, you need to go check out my blog at http://hollybrennan.blogspot.com. Go take a look at it. It made my day.

If it doesn’t show up, check it out at the Wordle gallery: http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/992144/Untitled.

Way too cool.

Get Your Jesus Shirt Dirty

2009-07-08T14:58:00.002-04:00

While I was at CreationFest, I decided to make an ultimate commitment – buy myself a Jesus shirt. I’ve never really gotten into the wearing of Christian clothes; seems that we end up paying 20 bucks for a shirt with the name “Jesus” on it, while we could pay $5.99 max at Wal-mart for a shirt with “Hanes” written inconspicuously on the tag on the inside. Just doesn’t seem like a good allocation of resources, if you ask me. Besides, I get enough free t-shirts from being a youth leader – no need to buy for my wardrobe.

But since I’m a little more committed to Jesus in public eyes, I decided that I should wear something that is a little more obvious. So I wandered CreationFest, figuring that out of that many people at a religious gathering, someone had to have a shirt for a non-committed person like me.

And I found my Jesus shirt. It was even a fairly decent price, $12. I could do that. It has Jesus written on it, along with verses highlighting the plan of salvation. I liked it. I bought it.

I wore it at CreationFest.

I wore it when I got home.

I washed it (I swear!).

I wore it again.

Then again …

And I went camping with my family for the fourth of July weekend. We own a few acres of land, and it serves as a nice little free campground. We go out there every now and then and clear it up some, burn some trees, shoot some poison ivy with nasty stuff that kills it, you know, all that good stuff.

My siblings were carrying branches and tree debris from the woods, and carrying it to a pile next to the fire, which my brother Joe was manning. I was sitting in a camp chair reading my book, watching what was going on. Then my sister Becky called me: “Get off your lazy butt and come help us! We need to get this job done!”

My immediate thought was: I don’t want to get my Jesus shirt dirty.

Just as soon as that thought had flashed through my head, another one came close on it’s heels. What message am I sending? I’m wearing my Jesus shirt, but not acting like following the examples of servitude that Jesus set even matters…

I had a nice little internal battle, during which I had a mini-epiphany that I’ve had before, but need to have on a regular basis.

I love my “Jesus” label. I love to loudly proclaim that I’m a Jesus freak. I’ll sing all the right songs, read the right books, know the right facts about the Bible, say the right things.

But am I a doer? Am I a follower?

Jesus’ disciples didn’t get the label by writing the word “Jesus” on their fisherman’s tunics and carrying on with life as normal. Can you imagine the reactions that would have sparked? Even the Christians now would consider them to be nothing more than a bunch of lunatics!

They were radical followers. Peter was vocal: he was quick to say the “Jesus was the Christ, the son of the living God.” But his actions showed the he believed what he loudly declared. The disciples got their hands dirty following (remember when the Pharisees chided Jesus for his disciples not washing their hands? Biblical proof!). They DIED for what they believed.

…aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I was sitting there in my camp chair refusing to serve because I didn’t want to get my Jesus shirt dirty. What a contradiction to the message on the shirt that I was wearing, professing to ascribe to Christ’s example.

I didn’t take long to epiphanize.

I got up.

I got my Jesus shirt dirty.

Music Monday – I’m Not Alright by Sanctus Real

2009-07-06T12:36:00.002-04:00

I’ve truly neglected my Music Monday posts. I’m going to use the song that I had picked out a few weeks ago, by Sanctus Real. I was going to use it, then I started to listen to a sermon series and covered it instead.

Check it out here:

This song has a lot of profound stuff in it. I like it, because it really rips the cover off the Christian life and exposes us for the imperfect creatures we are. Quite frankly, we’re all eager to be the perfect little Christians with the perfect little lives who never mess up or never fall down or never struggle, and that everyone is watching us, making sure that we are living the perfect little lives, and God-forbid that we ever fail.

Maybe you don’t get that judgie-judgie feeling from others. But I’m stuck with the feeling that I need to be perfect in the eyes of others. I feel I can’t show that I’m human. That I’m not alright – that I am broken inside. That my life is not perfect.

Quite frankly, my life has been the most messed-up when it looked the most perfect. Most of my energy during those times was focused on hiding the problem; not fixing it (or more accurately, turning to God so that HE could fix it).

What a messed-up view of ourselves. Jesus came to heal the sick; to save the lost. He flat out told folks that he wasn’t here for the whole; he was here for the broken.

Yet we’re so eager to prove to the rest of the world that we’re perfect? Yes, when God looks at us, he sees perfection because of the blood of Christ. But that’s a different future blog post.

I love this song because it flat-out states that we need Christ. And that’s so insanely true.

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside,
Broken inside…

Countdowns

2009-07-01T13:27:00.001-04:00

I have this lovely little widget on my igoogle homepage that is a countdown. It’s nice because I can plug in a date, and it will just start ticking away, like a bomb that’s going to go off at the appointed time.

But you know what’s funny? Those numbers don’t just represent when I leave for Richmond (102 days from today) … they represent hope. Hey, I know it sounds dumb, but bear with me. This is an important lesson that I learned: I thrive off of countdowns.

When I was 14 or 15, I had a goal: graduate high school. After that, I had a goal: start college. Each semester, we made paper chains, or would have a countdown of some sort representing when we’d be going home for Christmas or the summer. Once we were home, we’d count down to when we’d go back to school. I had an overarching countdown: graduation.

Then I graduated. Everyone hails graduation as being the first step into the rest of your life; great success, all that blah-blah-blah stuff. Well, that was the biggest step into floundering that I have ever done.

Suddenly, the world was wide open to me. No ticking clock, all of time was “mine.” The closest thing that I’ve had to use as a countdown was my harp loan. Woop-de-doo.

Now that I have plans, and something that I’m going to be doing, I have hope.

Let’s relegate it to the little engine that could – he could see the top of the hill, and was able to keep going, because he only had a little bit further to go. If the little engine that could had not been able to see some hope at the end for all his pain and toil, he may have given up (and we wouldn’t have a literary figure to point at when we encourage someone to persevere).

My little countdown is a metaphorical “top of the hill.” I see that there is change coming. The hard stuff is over. I can make it. I have a focus point. A carrot to chase.

The best part is, after I reach October, then I have a 2 month countdown, then another 2 year countdown. After that, who knows … maybe I’ll be like someone I know who has estimated his approximate death, and put a countdown on that … call it “end of my life.” Maybe not. We'll see what other countdowns will come after that ...

CreationFest

2009-06-30T14:32:00.001-04:00

Last Wednesday, I left for CreationFest 09. I would have loved to have kept up with my blog, but my phone died pretty quick. With the lines for electrical plugs being pretty long, and my patience being relatively short, I opted for the lack of technology. I didn’t miss anything earth-shattering (my phone died after Michael Jackson did…).

Here’s a few of my thoughts.

1. Chris Tomlin = amazing. Loved his show.
2. Seems that every single high school girl loves Hawk Nelson and is a BFF.
3. Skillet’s shows rival secular rock bands. They are intense. I love Skillet.
4. Teenagers will make out anywhere (I was standing at the front of the stage during Skillet and there was a couple making out in the mosh area. No lie. I was so mad. And I confronted them in the name of Jesus.)
5. Free hugs make you look desperate.
6. And I could go on…

Here was my greatest issue – there was a lot of emotional pull, but not a lot of facts to carry it on with. Here’s what I mean: I didn’t hear a solid message until Friday.

The event started Wednesday night.

I heard a lot of feel-good messages. Reggie Dabbs: I can! You Can! We Can! I got yo back! Joyce Meyer: do good! Change the world! You can; you’re the most creative generation!

However, there was not a clear message of salvation until I went to one of the breakout seminars on Friday afternoon, to hear Dr. Ergun Caner, from Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary. He gave his rather stirring testimony of how he came to convert from Islam – because one high school boy was persistent.

And that entire message was pretty much just his testimony.

I guess that I was pretty perturbed that we didn’t get into any clear messages of salvation until the week was almost over.

What happened to speaking in boldness? Are we afraid that we will offend someone with the message of Christ? Jesus said that people would be offended by his message and his words. So when he said that they would be offended by him, why do we think people should not be offended by us? How stupid. Jesus gave us a benchmark for the truth, and we’re blatantly ignoring it.

Here’s my problem – I fear seeing people get emotionally hyped. I’ve done that before. I’ve gotten all teary eyed, run up the aisle, prayed with a stranger, and then gone on. But the problem is that after that, it was little more than an emotional decision. I had maybe a little change after I got home, but nothing more than that. It lasted, at most, a week.

Have you ever heard the saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink? That’s how I feel about sermons and invitations. You have to lead the listener to the water, and tell them why they want to drink it. How good it is for you. But you cannot make them drink it. You cannot force it upon them.

That’s why sermons aimed at teens scare the trash out of me. So often there is an irresistible emotional tug at someone who is emotionally vulnerable and they cannot help but respond.

But is it a true response? Was it a true change of heart? True repentance? (side note: can someone repent when the word repent was never used or implied?) Did they mean it, or did they do it just so that they would do it, not because of a genuine conviction?

I can’t control how others do their altar calls. But oh my goodness, I can make a decision that I will not tug on emotions. I will present, and let the listener make their own decision as far as what they will do with the message. Ultimately, we all have to choose for ourselves…Joshua stated it clearly … “choose you this day whom you will serve” … it’s a choice. A personal choice.

Wow. Gotta hop off that soapbox…

Overall, I loved CreationFest. I would go back year after year. But I would hope that there would be some bolder preachers.

Thankfulness

2009-06-23T10:26:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was driving to the church to help prepare for a youth trip. We’re going to CreationFest NE, which is going to be aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamamazing. But more about that later.

While I was driving, I was listening to my car. It’s got a failing transmission. A month or so ago, I took it to the mechanic because it rivals the sound of a jet engine when taking off…and trust me, I’ve heard a few jet engines in my life! They didn’t take long to identify the problem, which had a repair bill of at least $3,200. Since I’m looking at only needing a car until October, I asked how long it would last without repairs.

The mechanic looked exceedingly uncomfortable. “I can’t really say,” he responded. “It could die today; it could die six months from now. This I can say: it’ll leave you stranded by the side of the road sometime.”

That was a month ago. Yes, it runs like a piece of monkey spit. I can’t even get a clear view in the rear view mirror because the entire car vibrates when I hit 50mph…all I see is a blur, kind of like I’d see if I needed glasses. If my foot is resting on the floorboard, I get a *great* foot massage. Sometimes I get out of the car and multiple body parts are numb from the constant vibration.

But it still goes from point A to point B.

I don’t get my utter calmness in this. I’m actually kind of lackadaisical about the whole thing. When it dies, it will die. It’ll leave me stranded; nothing I haven’t been through before. Twice.

I’m not that kind of person – I’m a classic type A who will freak out over EVERYTHING. God help you if you have to work with me on a project. I’m going to be so obsessive compulsive that you’ll wish you had a tranquilizer dart to get me to shut up (and I’m only half-joking).

While driving, I found myself overwhelmed by thankfulness that my car still runs. That God has kept his hand upon that poor overworked engine. That somehow, it’s all still holding together. And you know, this is going to sound so odd, but I’m so thankful that it is in such a way where I spend most of my driving time praying (granted, most of it is through clenched teeth repeating something like dear-God-please-let-me-arrive-at-my-destination-safely).

So I started thinking about some of the other things that I am thankful for. Not really all the things that make sense, but some of the things that I just am so overwhelmed with thankfulness for.

1. I’m thankful for the fact that I am a Christian. Last week was one of the worst weeks of my life (just a lot of stuff…it was bad), and if I had not had hope, I’d have really been one messed up individual. While I’m not perfect, and don’t always turn to God during trials, he’s ALWAYS there for me.

2. I’m thankful for the friends that I have. We’ve run a lot of directions together – some days were good, some days were bad. But Proverbs says that iron sharpens iron, and boy have I been sharpened by the people in my life! If I have ever called you (and not with a very specific purpose, but just to talk, you are among the BFFs – I rarely do that). My friends are the kind of people that I can totally lean on, and it takes a lot to get me leaning on someone else.

3. I’m thankful for my family. No one can make you laugh or make you cry faster…but they are pretty awesome.

4. I’m thankful for a strong church. Once again, it’s not perfect. But it’s a strong church, with a strong legacy. I’ve really grown a lot there, and am so thankful for the people that I have attended and served with. I really love that there are people who are at all walks in Christianity there, and we can fellowship together in one mind and spirit.

5. I am so insanely thankful for music. I could not get through a day without that complicated web of sound. I love it so much and am so thankful that it is in existence. Music is one of the ways that God says he loves me everyday.

6. I’m thankful for my job. It’s hard, and stressful, and I swear I’m developing an ulcer…but I’ve learned so much. I also have a few amazing coworkers…I’ve learned so much from them all – they are lessons that I will carry with me forever.

7. I’m thankful for the mysteries of God – last night me and a few friends had a pretty intense discussion on election, presenting the Gospel, and false conversion. Ultimately, some of that stuff, we’ll never know. I’m thankful that there are some things that God does withhold from us because our finite little brains cannot comprehend them. I'm also thankful that God doesn't reveal everything all at once. When I was younger, and kept a journal, I used to wish that I could know what was going to be on the end pages. But now I'm thankful that God doesn't let us see what's in the distance; that we have to keep our eyes on Him today.

8. This is going to sound so dumb – I’m thankful for texting. It’s nice to be able to have full conversations with someone via text when I can’t really talk to them. I’ve been so encouraged by what other people have sent to me (and often WHEN they texted me and said encouraging words), and I pray that I can do likewise for others.

This list could go on and on and on. I have so much to be thankful for. What are you thankful for?

NOT Music Monday

2009-06-22T15:50:00.002-04:00

So I was going to write a music Monday post, but then got a little side-tracked. One of my best friends has introduced me to a particular sermon series, and has been telling me for a long time that I need to listen to them. I’ve kind of blown him off; not really wanting to listen to a sermon on the internet. I listened to a few by this guy, and was exceedingly impressed. But still…I didn’t chase after this series until today.

It’s called Love, Dating, Marriage, Sex.

Go listen to it.

You’ll find it at http://crossroad.fefc.com/. The series starts February 4, 2008 (currently, you’ll find it on page 5 of the blog).

It’s worth listening to. I’ll admit it, it changes everything for me. This dude, Greg Pinkner, speaks straight. He says things like they are; forget being PC. I got nailed to the wall, and man, you all know that just doesn’t happen these days.

The sermons are about 40-50 minutes long, but I can think of far worse ways to spend that amount of time.

These messages are meant for college-age folks, but they are very universal. I’d challenge folks to listen to these messages and NOT take away something. Yeah. Go check it out. It’s awesome.

Music Monday

2009-06-15T12:07:00.001-04:00

Twitter is awesome because it keeps track of trends and what people are tweeting about. Monday’s one of my favorite days, because you see a constant stream of this hashtag: #musicmonday.

So I figure that I’m going to have a few music Mondays on my blog and just share some songs that are meaningful to me.

Today’s Music Monday:

“Pray,” by Stellar Kart, from the CD, Expect the Impossible. Released Feb. 26, 2008.

So, obviously from my blog’s most recent entries, I’ve been going through a lot of major life decisions. And, if you’re a normal person, you understand that there is so much between the lines that doesn’t even make it onto a public forum. There is stuff going on that many people know of, or just a few people know about.

Through it all, I keep gravitating towards this song. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I’m little more than a failure. It’s only through the grace of God that I am able to do anything. It’s only because of what HE does in and through me that I’m even able to step forward and say “Here am I, send me.” If I was to follow my human instincts, I’d be hiding under my bed, no lie…

I just love the words of this song…

Pray, sit back and watch the scenery change,
Hold onto the promise that help is on the way,
Pray…

It’s a reminder (a much-needed reminder) that I am nothing. I have to utterly and completely depend on God.

And praying is an excellent way to do that.

Thanks, Stellar Kart!

Support

2009-06-12T10:16:00.001-04:00

I’ve had a few questions about this area: what happens for support? Does the IMB Support me, or do I have to raise support?

Here’s the awesome answer for you guys: you are already supporting me. If you’re at Leonardtown Baptist Church, you know about how the Cooperative program gets a portion of our offering every week. Here’s the link to the sermon, in case you missed it: http://www.lbcmd.org/BlogEntry.aspx?site_id=10349&entry_id=154684. In a sense, you already have a hand in supporting me financially.

I’m still going to be chasing you down. As a missionary with the IMB, I don’t have to raise financial support, but I need to raise prayer support. To that ends, I have prayer cards that I’m going to be carrying. It has a place where you can commit to pray for me. I get to keep part of the card, you get the other half and hold onto it.

The nice part: I have a tangible reminder that you are praying for me on those days where the battle is rough, as well as your address. I like the idea of being a letter writer too (hey, if I got a writing degree in college, why not use it??? Besides, there is nothing as awesome as a letter in the mailbox). The good part for you is that you keep your pledge card and get a reminder to pray for me too.

So if you would be willing to join me in my ministry through prayer, please let me know and I’ll get you one of those cards. If you see me around, I'm going to be carrying them around, so feel free to ask.

Thanks for your prayers and support.

HB

Stepping Forth

2009-06-11T10:50:00.004-04:00

I’ll just blurt it out, like I’ve been dying to do since last December.

I’m going to Thailand.

Seriously.

And here’s one of my favorite parts: I’m going to be a writer.

Here’s the longer version: July 2008, I went on a trip to Mexico. Something happened. Something within me woke up, that had been asleep for a long time. I felt like Rip Van Winkle, looking at this strange new world around me. Something stirred within, something that I had to answer. Something that I had to do.

Side question: have any of you ever had a camp decision? You know, one of those decisions where you are at an emotional high, and you almost feel like you’ve lost control of your self and run up the aisle, tears streaming down your face, emotionally barfing up sins to a complete stranger. Then a month later, you’ve forgotten your decision, and it’s something that you strive to forget, hoping that others didn’t watch you as you ran up the aisle.

It’s okay, we’ve all done it.

My point is, I didn’t want to make an emotional decision. Going to Mexico changed my life, no lie. But I wanted to make sure that it was God, not me.

So I put out a fleece. Our team was to follow-up the July trip with another in October. I prayed that if this was something that I was supposed to do, that I’d get picked for the trip.

I got picked.

And it was the same. My pastor warned me that second trips weren’t like the first ones; that some of the magic was gone. Oh, no worries, the magic was there. But even more than that, confirmation was there: I got sick on the trip, and even when I was bowing before the porcelain throne, giving an offering of everything I had eaten for the past two months of my life, I was happy (I was even reflecting on that while I puked, wondering why in the world I was not more ticked off: like most normal people, I hate being sick).

So I spoke to my pastor.

He told me all about a 2 year program for single 20-somethings to go out and serve.

Cool, I was like. That’s good to know. And then I made a mistake…I sat on the information.

A few weeks later, I got to talk about our experiences. After that, my other pastor, Mark Dooley, sent me a Facebook message about an opportunity in Russia. Along with that was the thought that I should apply for program.

I wish I could remember the date, but it was in late December that I began the application process. It was a lark almost, a “use-me-if-you-will-but-I-doubt-that-will-happen” kind of thing.

I kept moving ahead in the process.

Now, mind you, this was a crazy process. I got asked all kinds of stuff. By the time we got to the end, I’m sure that my advisor knew more about me than even my parents do. Candor can be painful!

The entire time, I thought, Russia, Russia….Mark had introduced me to the amazing team near Siberia. I just love the family that is working there. So I thought that I was going to be working with them.

In early May, I was to go to the final hurdle in getting my job invitation for the position – a week long interview conference. It was going to be easy living – I knew that my job in Russia had my name on it, all I had to do was get through whatever sessions we had and learn more about what I had to do to get there. Easy, right?

Boy, was I ever wrong.

To all of you who were there at that conference, you know what I looked like. I had the wild-eyed “I’ve-got-to-get-somewhere-by-myself-and-pray” look most of the time. I gotta say, I’m really sorry that I didn’t get to know all of you better. I thought there was an amazing group, and would have loved to hang out with you all more. Can’t wait to get to see some of you in October.

Anyway…my world was rocked when someone implied that even those with jobs with our names on it should be open to God’s leading. That perhaps those jobs were God’s way of getting us in the door. That we were really supposed to come and find something else that was exactly where God wanted us.

In the session immediately after that, where we were all introduced to the representatives of the different regions, the leader for the Pacific Rim area (which includes Thailand) said that if we were interested in media jobs, go talk to them.

Okay. I work in a communications department. Well, technically, Proposals, Media, and Marketing. Same difference, really. My college degree was in writing, with Speech Communications as a secondary. And I’m a total nerd: I’m totally into media.

I had thought he’d made it clear that I was supposed to go to Russia.

I spent almost every free moment praying. I called some of my besties who know me well, and unanimously, when I told them about the Thailand job, their response was, well, when are you going???

I even called and prayed with my pastor.

When the time came to submit my choices, I knew that Thailand was to be my first choice. And, the best part was that it wasn’t the final thing, if God wanted me to be in Russia, he’d overturn my stupidity. The drive home was not one filled with uncertainty – it was all peace and happiness.

Well. After conference, I had to submit my portfolio for review, and got a glowing review. They were excited to see it, and were adamant about wanting me on the media team.

I had to wait about a month, and on June 5th, 2009, I got my acceptance letter for Thailand.

Yes.

I’m going.

To Thailand.

Wow.

Here’s the timeline:

On October 12, I begin two months of training, which ends December 11th. From there, it will be approximately two weeks before I go out to the field.

Please be in prayer, for a few things in particular:
1. Pray that God continues to keep open doors in all this, for the visa process, and whatever has to be done.
2. Pray that my car holds on – the transmission is failing, and could die tomorrow, it could die six months from now. It sounds like crap, but there’s no point in spending money I don’t have to fix it when I’m leaving.
3. Pray that God provides financially. All my needs are paid for, so I don’t have to raise support, but that is because people like YOU give. Giving has been down, so they have to cut the number of people that they send out there.
4. Pray that God fills holes here in Maryland. I work in a lot of areas at church – pray that people will be willing to work in youth, nursery, worship leading, etc.
5. Pray for my friends – I’ve heard it said that it’s easier to go than be left behind. That’s so true. Pray that we are able to keep in touch, and that others step into their life and encourage them.

Most of my prayer requests could have a little action…pray that perhaps YOU might be the one to fill some of these.

I only have to raise prayer support. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going to need a lot of it. I have prayer commitment cards, and if you would be willing to commit to pray for me, please let me know and I will send or give you one. There’s other significance to that – it also gets me your contact information so that I can give you updates on what’s going on and how God’s working (and you never know when something with a foreign postmark may show up in your mailbox!).

If you’ve felt in the past six months that you’ve needed to pray for me, now you know why. Please don’t stop.

Watch the blog for updates.

Holly

Guilty Pleasures

2009-05-29T10:19:00.003-04:00

I read the news everyday. It's my guilty pleasure, akin to other people's bubble baths, soap operas, or bon-bons. I like to hear about what's going on in the world, the earth-shattering (literally) and the mundane. I'm OCD; I like to know.

The news is so discouraging these days ... a child with cancer, refusing treatment; a man, threatening to committ suicide by jumping off a bridge, being pushed off by a ticked-off bystander; entire countries raising threat levels; people being told they can't have Bible Studies in their homes without a permit ... well, that's just headlines from yesterday and today!

What has happened to us? Who are we? What kind of people are we becoming?

I read headlines from years gone by and see real news: good news. I see things like "Man walks on the Moon." I see things that mark progress; stepping forward and making a difference.

Now, it's all death, sadness, and destruction.

I think I need to take up bon-bons.

April = Poem A Day (PAD) #1

2009-04-01T12:50:00.000-04:00

Writer's Digest has this awesome competition during the month of April: write a poem a day. They give a prompt, we write a poem.

So I'm doing it. And blogging about it. For the most part, there are going to be some awful poems, including mine. But that's okay; I'm actually writing. That's a good thing, right?

Here's my piece of junk for today.

PROMPT

For today's prompt, I want you to write an origin poem. It can be the origin of a word, person, plant, idea, etc. Have fun with it.

POEM

"Pine"
Two trees stood side by side
In the woods. They spent all
Their time together.
One loved the other,
Who reached high
For his goal: to touch the sky.
As for the one; he attained.
The other merely pined.

Just in case you couldn't tell, I chose the origin of the word Pine. Couldn't resist a play on words. :)

Wanna participate? Visit the website here: http://blog.writersdigest.com/poeticasides/default.aspx

Merry Christmas to All!

2008-12-24T13:34:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas (Eve) to all!

How can I even try to update my blog and get it up to date with all that I’ve been going through? There’s no way. I’ll try. Maybe I’ll even take a few entries.

Here’s a rundown:
-Victoria Miller
-Christmas Musical
-Blessings – both good and bad…read on to see what I mean.
-Missions?

Oooooooooookay. Let’s get this par-tay started. Read if you are brave.

Victoria Miller
For those who attend Leonardtown Baptist, this is a completely familiar name. On December 5, this 12-year old girl was diagnosed with leukemia. She’s been in the hospital since then, and is undergoing treatments there. I’ve never seen a church step up like ours has to meet the needs of the family. It’s an amazing testimony.

There is a Web site set up where all can find out how she is doing and leave messages for the family. You do have to create an account, but it is simple and non-invasive. I’d encourage all to check it out at http://www.carepages.com/carepages/UpheldByHim.

Christmas Musical
This year I had the privilege of directing the drama portion of the children’s play/musical. What a blessing it was to lead. Claire Menges (LBC’s music director) and I are certain someone must have been saved from it, because everything bad that could happen beforehand did! The “Mystery of the Manger” was solved, and pastors presented a clear gospel message.

Blessings?
Life has a way of just sending little reminders of how messed up our world is. My car died (and I mean DIED) by the side of the road a week ago. I had to replace the engine, which stunk royally. Put me out two grand. Merry Christmas to me, right? Work is still incredibly busy and frustrating. I’m trying to wait it out, but I don’t think that it’s going to get better. There’s a point where you’ve got to stop beating your head against a brick wall and just move on. I’m so almost there…there’s little holding me back.

Missions … ???
With that thought about work, I’m led to believe that there is something else out there for me. I’m rather seriously investigating short-term missions work. God’s definitely placed a desire in my heart to get married and have my own family, but right now, that doesn’t seem to be happening. :) Note the “very single” relationship status on Facebook. Oh wait. That's in my head; Facebook doesn't offer that option.

With that, God’s opened up two promising options. Last Friday, my pastor messaged me information about a need in Russia. I’m not going to go into details here and now, but dude…Russia’s tight. And then on Sunday, I was told about a need in Mexico. There’s a mission school that needs teachers, and one in particular that I find attractive is the HS English teacher. So God has rather recently opened doors to consider. Who knows. I’m definitely praying about them. I know that it’s something that I’m called to do in some capacity. I don’t know that I’m meant to be a full time missionary all my life, but that I was meant to be foreign; a sojourner in a strange land. I’m so ready.

Here’s a few catches:
-Russia is through IMB. I went ahead and filled out information for them. I have to send in a few pictures, and go through a process, but it is a filtering process. When I filled it out, my school (Pensacola Christian College) wasn’t even on the list of schools that you could pick from. Not a good sign. Not sure what to think of that.
-Mexico would require that I raise my own support. Lucy already said that I could live with her, and that would let me follow up on the work that the church here already does. I have a heart for that place already; I know that I do. I have their picture on my desk and pray for them daily. I’m scared of raising support, to be frank.

There are things about each place that make them the “easy” way. Mexico’s easy because I have been there, know what I’d be getting into. It’s hard because I’d have to raise fundage. Russia’s easy because I would be taken care of for funds. Hard because I have no clue what I’d be doing.

It is going to require a lot of prayer. Please pray for me.

So what’s new with all of you?

Gold Wrapping Paper

2008-12-15T09:47:00.000-05:00

I’m not a “forwards” person, but this one was worth it. Okay, so I was at an influx of emotions when I read this, so my eyes welled up with tears. So shoot me. Thanks to the unnamed person who wrote this, and the countless others who forwarded it.

***

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, “This is for you, Momma.”

The mother was embarrassed by her earlier overreaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner.

“Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?”

She had tears in her eyes and said, “Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full.”

The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.

Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and GOD. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

Song on the Radio

2008-11-26T14:37:00.000-05:00

I received a forwarded text a few weeks ago that cracked me up.

FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: YOUR DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD. A song comes on the radio, you think of me. What’s the song that’s playing?

I’ll be frank. This amused me. Plus, I knew enough people to be able to select some to send it to who wouldn’t be like, oh, Holly, don’t text us forwards (trust me, I know my people who like forwards, and who don’t like forwards!).

Here’s a few of my answers:

“I dunno, but it’s probably jazz.”

“Holly is the Coolest Person Ever” by Colin Pastorious.

“Probably something from a musical or country like lee ann Womack. :)”

“Brown eyed girl”

“Something classical with lots of harps. Possibly Jesus take the wheel by carrie underwood.”

“…since I gave you all that Spanish music, it reminds me of you every time I hear it. =)”

“White and Nerdy”

“Deck the Halls”

“Anything you can do I can do better”

“Either a song by Shania Twain or lee ann rimes.”

Soooo…that begs the question….what do YOU think? Comments appreciated, and are most amusing!

More to Come...

2008-11-12T16:14:00.000-05:00

It's been a long day. I say that to say that I have a lot more to say ... in a little bit. I'm updating tonight. I have to. It's been too long.

So Long, So Gone

2008-09-30T10:53:00.001-04:00

I found out at midnight on Sunday that a friend of mine from college, Janet Bauernschmitt, was killed on Sunday morning in a car wreck.

First off, I have to admit that I didn't know Janet as closely as I would have liked to. We were on the same floor my junior year of college, when I started as a floorleader. I was looking for balance as a floorleader, and trust me, it proved to be quite the challenge. I have to be frank, some (ok, many, sorry) of PCC's rules are legalistic. Yes, I do understand why they are there, and why they were enforced, but trust me, I did not ascribe to them all. Nor did I agree with them. Henceforth, I was struggling with balance and trying to be careful not to alienate "my girls" by being stupid. Some people made it harder than others. While I didn't agree with many of the rules, when you come to PCC, you sign a form that says you will abide by the rules. That's where I had issues, was when people would give their word to follow the rules and then flagrantly break them. Some people had no qualms about telling you how they thought it was stupid. But all this is another blog post, really.

There were some people on my floor who scared me, honestly. I wasn't sure how they would be, and as a first year floorleader, I was terrified.

I only remember sweetness from Janet. When I was in prayer group with her, her thoughts were geared towards others. She was beautiful, with an air around her that was refreshing. Have you ever been around a beautiful person who made you to feel like they were condescending to be around you, or talk to you? I never felt that way around Janet. We had multiple conversations that brightened my day.

She was a runner for sure...I remember her going running around Griffith field behind our building in the rain, 10 minutes before prayer group or hall meeting, coming back at just the last minute, out of breath, with a big grin on her face.

She was definitely an artist. I remember coming in her room and seeing whatever her latest project was. In more recent times, I'd go to her facebook profile to look at her pictures. She had that gift. I especially loved her pics from her trip to the middle east. Wow. There aren't words for that.

Her facebook profile is still active, for how long, I don't know. But now people are posting on her wall, sharing how she touched them. Apparently I wasn't the only one who was touched in a special way.

I wrote on the wall of a church friend who just started at Cedarville this fall, and asked if she had known her. She didn't, but she knew people who had. She said something that struck me: "A few of the girls on cheerleading with me said she knew God had something big coming for her and she was prepared."

That was pretty cool. God did have something big for Janet ... He wanted her with him, painting and dancing with him in heaven.

Someone wrote on your wall not to rest in peace, Janet, but that you should now truly know what it is to be alive. I agree with that ...

Remember Janet Rose, 9.28.08.

Beware, This One's a Rambler

2008-09-25T08:49:00.000-04:00

Folks, you've been warned. It's been more than a week since I updated my blog, so it's time to do some rambling. I'll try to categorize at least some of the rambling so that it's not entirely a horror to read (if you do read it).

Church
This week's been busy! I've added to what I do this week ... I was asked to join the Missions Evangelism Team (MET) for my Mexico involvement, and also to sort of be a bridge to the college and career group. We all need to get involved, and I think it's pretty cool. It's totally God that I'm a part of it, because I had been interested in it after I got back from Mexico, but decided not to say anything. I basically told God that if He wanted me there, I'd have to be asked to join. And this past Sunday, Pastor John came and asked. So the rest is history!

I'm also working in the youth group on Sunday nights. Totally loving that. I think it's the greatest experience ever. I learn so much from working with the teens (I think that they challenge me more than I could ever challenge them!) and it's win-win for me. Besides, I totally didn't get much out of youth group when I was in HS just because I was so incredibly socially awkward, so it's like I get a second chance.

So if you're one of the teens, this is for you: you're AWESOME!

Work
It goes up and down. Last week was all bad days, and this week hasn't been so bad. It's hard to really know what to do when it isn't consistent. I've had so many days where I have left swearing that I was searching for a new job and never coming back, but now it's not so bad.

It seems to be a pendulum. Right now, I'm riding it, but with a loose grip.

We have our annual company party this Friday night, the 26th. I decided to be a loser and go by myself, so I'm actually going to man the camera. That means that I will have the right to get up in people's faces and take pictures. I've already had a photgraphy event where I kindof hung back and didn't do much of anything, so I know to get up there and just have some fun with it. Plus then I'm not going to be under pressure to drink cheap boxed wine, or to dance, or asked where my date is, or asked if I'll stand in for someone else's date who is schmoozing with the boss, or who knows what all else. I'll be relatively invisible. I like that idea. A lot.

Mexico
I'm going back October 25-31. My spanish is still wretched, but the people are forgiving when they know that you are trying. It will be amazing to go back. I can hardly wait. We're going to be taking some 2500+ of the salvation bracelets that we took last time to give away. I think that's going to be a great opportunity to reach out to a lot of the adults of the city. I am so pysched about that! Woo-hoo!

Music
I've started worship leading at church. Dude, I love it. I'm a singer all the way. And if I sing to you, that's how I say I love you. It's one of my special languages, I guess. Choir has also started, so I'm loving being back into that. It's nice to be getting into some new songs with a fairly decent sized group of people who can sing. I'm not going to lie though, I miss Rejoice choir at PCC and Symphonic Choir. I miss singing in Latin, and Hebrew, and Spanish, and whatever else we sang.

Along with music changes, we're only playing orchestra once a month. We play the first Sunday of each month, which means that I'm not dragging the harp to church every Sunday. Now, orchestra does rehearse each Wednesday, so I have to drag it along then, but it could be a lot worse. It all works out exceptionally well for me.

Ummm ...
Here's where miscellaneous stuff should go. But it all seems to fit under some category of some type. Hence the "ummm ..."

Conclusion
I'm still rambly. I'll try to get better. Sorry folks. I think I might have another good post tomorrow. I've got something cooking in my mind ... I sure hope it's not my brain.

Good Holiday Albums, Coming Soon to My Collection

2008-09-17T09:03:00.000-04:00

I keep finding out about more and more good Christmasy albums coming out soon. As an official music freak, I love seeing these Amazon or BMG music notifications coming through my e-mail.

Here's a few highlights:

Enya - And Winter Came... (Nov 11)
Not only is it her first album in two years, but she also used ellipses in the title. I'm proud to bustin'. Those are my favorite form of punctuation, FYI...just in case you couldn't tell. She has an awesome ethereal sound to her music. I loved her version of Silent Night, and can hardly wait to hear more.

Loreena McKennitt - A Midwinter Night's Dream (Oct 28?)
She just put out An Ancient Muse last year, so a new album is awesome. She's one of my top five artists, hands-down. Her music has an international, particularly Celtic and Middle Eastern sound to it, so I anticipate this one greatly. I loved a previous release of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, so I think this album will be full of winners. She has at least three languages slated for the CD so far....Latin, French, and English. I can hardly wait.

Sarah Brightman - A Winter Symphony (Nov 4)
Another one of my top 5 artists. This CD has some of the flair of her Symphony CD, which was released earlier this year. I'm still waiting for a track listing, but it's on my must have list.

I think it's going to be a very happy holiday season...or at least, it will for me and my iPod.

Remember...

2008-09-11T12:49:00.000-04:00

Where were you?

I was in the front passenger seat of the family van, on my way to work. Mom was dropping me off, and we were listening to the radio. Suddenly, the song stopped and emergency broadcasters came on, giving a report of what was going on.

At that time, only the first plane had crashed. When I got to work, we turned the radio on to a talk station, and listened with horror of the events.

We watched, speechless, as the towers fell, from the tiny TV in the front office.

We went home that evening and turned on our TVs, sick with the horror; the destruction that was unfolding before our eyes. Candlelight vigils; people holding hands, praying; people going to church when they had never been ... it seemed that our spirit had wakened from a Rip Van Winkle-ish sleep, but to a nightmare ...

Suddenly, I got up every morning to watch the news with my mom. It became ritual; we watched the news from 6-7 before waking the rest of the house up.

Have I mentioned that we were in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and that my dad was attached to a VFA outfit, working with the F/A-18s? He was deployed shortly thereafter to the Persian Gulf. In fact, he was the last person on the flight deck of the USS Harry S Truman to give the fighter pilots the okay signal before they took off on bombing missions.

I remember in October, after one month. We were still reeling.

I remember driving past the pentagon in November. The hole was far bigger than I could have ever imagined. The pictures on TV are nothing like the real thing: nothing can ever prepare you for the actual sight.

I remember faces. Faces on signs; people desperately clinging to hope months later, praying that their loved ones somehow escaped. I also remembered the faces of those who held hope in their hearts as they lost that hope forever.

I remember I was 16.

I've always been a patriotic person. With my dad in the Navy, we've been on/near military bases all my life. I've been around personnel in uniform; I've saluted flags all over the country. Nothing makes me prouder than seeing Old Glory fly high; and saluting her with fellow patriots.

Maybe it seems that we're all falling apart right now, politically and all those other ways that are too much to detail here, but those moments where we bonded, where we came together as Americans ...

I remember.

Do you?

Soo...sleepy....

2008-09-09T15:32:00.001-04:00

I told a friend today that it seems that the more that I have to do, the more tired I am.

I'm exhausted!

Henceforth, I don't know how I'm going to get it all done. Or why I'm writing here (actually, I know why I'm writing here...so that I have more than one post for this week!).

Anyhow. Now that I've wasted an entire post (and perhaps two minutes of your life) complaining, I'm back to my article that I'm writing. Yay for Coral Reefs!

Congrats...now go away.

2008-09-07T20:50:00.000-04:00

First off, I'd like to extend my sincerest, happiest of congratulations to my dear friend Amanda S. She finally got the answer she's been looking forward to: she's pregnant!

Hooray! Yay for you!

Now get out of my sight. I can't handle your happiness.

Dude. That sounded super bitter. But I only half mean it. 'Manda, I never would begrudge you your happiness. I do mean it when I offer sincere congratulations. For real. But I sortof also mean that I cannot handle your happiness.

Let me get this straight: I'm not bitter that I'm single. I just find it difficult at times. I mean, I went to college with a four year plan.

Year 1: Go to college, meet a nice guy. Become friends.
Year 2: Start dating said nice guy
Year 3: Get serious about nice guy. Get engaged over summer break btw year 3 and year 4.
Year 4: Plan wedding.
Weekend after graduation: get married and live happily ever after.

LOL! So much for a plan. The weekend after graduation I was with my family, crammed into a 12 passenger van, holding my college belongings in my lap. And, almost a year and a half later, I am still pretty much at step one.

It's insane, because this isn't really where I expected to be. I saw myself in more of Amanda's position: married, staying at home, being a "wifey," barefoot and pregnant. But here I am, working the corporate grind. It's okay, but it's really hard when I think that there are honestly far more important things that I could be doing.

It's all part of God's plan; His purpose. I'm not dissatisfied with where I am, because I know it's where God wants me, but I'm kindof sad that it's not more along the lines of where I want to be.

But let me look at a few of the pros for where I am:

1. I can go on my missions trips. I'm all about Mexico, and I can go without worrying about a husband or kids.
2. Two words: my money. Hahahah...
3. More flexibility to be involved in the church and my various ministries (choir, youth group, worship leading, orchestra, nursery, college and career group, etc).
4. Okay, so there might be perks to being the church's most eligible bachelorette...if anything, everyone knows who I am and has me on their mind when they meet nice young men. Just ask all of my pastors! I'd have to pay for that kind of service elsewhere!
5. I can be hormonal and go to my room to be alone if I want to be.
6. I can be the "safe girl" all the guys talk to.
7. I don't have to worry about anyone getting jealous.
8. I can give my phone number to cute guys I meet.
9. I can meet cute guys.
10. I can have lots of "brothers" to turn to when life deals me crap. Or crappy guys try to deal.

I think that I had too much fun making this list!

:)

So Amanda, I do give you my heartfelt congratulations. And I do mean it.

And I know that God has a plan for me...

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

... From Florida

2008-09-03T18:54:00.000-04:00

Here I am, sitting in Monica's house, enjoying the Florida sunshine ... or what should be sunshine. Thank you Lord, for hurricane Gustav, who chose to come in the week that I came down here for a break. I needed a break from the regular life that was going on there, and of course there would be rain on my vacation. Even with a cloud cover, I did get sunburnt ... from two hours on the cloudy beach.

Please note my sarcasm.

So far it has been a nice break. I have taken some time off of work, which is something I have needed for a while. A break is a good thing. But it's not been everything that I have wanted.

I've been hiding from PCC folks. With coming here with Manda and Nat, I haven't really been able to get off whenever I want to. So with that in mind, I decided that I was not going to tell my PCC friends that I was coming. It really stinks to be in the Pensacola area avoiding PCC folks. They are everywhere!

We're heading back to Tennessee tomorrow. That will be good. I am ready to go home and talk to my mom, and spend time with my family. I'm so ready for it.

A Winter Symphony

2008-08-27T12:05:00.000-04:00

My favorite recording artist pretty much ever is Sarah Brightman (http://www.sarah-brightman.com/). She's amazing, with a fabulous soprano voice. Whew, she's unreal! I'm listening to her Symphony CD (Feb 2008) as I write. She can go from opera to pop at the drop of a hat, and sound good at all she does. Musically, it seems that the woman can do no wrong.

I found out yesterday that she is putting out her first holiday CD this year. I am 100% excited about that! I can hardly wait to hear it. She's already amazing, and to have a set of Christmas songs from her will be great!

I went on her site the other day and saw the cover art. I'm not displeased. It seems to be following the trend of her last CD, Symphony. I haven't seen a track list, but it should be good.

It comes out November 4th, 2008, and is already on my birthday list I've submitted to my parents. :)

Se habla espanol?

2008-08-26T08:49:00.000-04:00

Mas o menos bien....yo soy no es habla bueno en espanol. Yo soy estupida.

Hahahahah...that's me trying to sound smart. But in essence, I'm really stupid in spanish. I'm working on it though. I need to get it, especially since I am going back to Mexico. I want to be able to talk to folks, you know?

In order to learn, I am reading all kinds of books. I found a series, Practice Makes Perfect, but out by McGraw-Hill. I have the vocabulary edition, the grammar edition, verb tenses, and pronouns and prepositions. Talk about being a GEEK! I also bought Breaking out of Beginner's Spanish which looks pretty cool.

I may get a spanish buddy soon. Another friend of mine may be going to Ecuador on a missions trip, and he doesn't know a lick of spanish, so when I asked him if he knew any, he was like "well, I have a friend who's working on learning Spanish..."

So it will be cool to have a talking buddy.

Monday, Monday

2008-08-25T07:48:00.000-04:00

Yeah. It's Monday. Enough said about that. :) I made the mistake of setting the wrong alarm last night, so it went off at 5.30, which was not the time that I planned to get up. So that was a real bummer. Once your sleep has been interrupted like that, you really can't go back to sleep for real. I hit snooze more than once (which is my particular weakness - FYI, ya'll!), and Becky got mad at me (can you blame her?) so she got up and turned on the light to get me up. That was annoying, but understandable, so I went and laid down on the couch downstairs until 6.00.

We're undergoing septic tank troubles right now. That's more than wonderful. NOT. So at our house, we're undergoing five minute showers, flushing the toilet as little as possible, and all kinds of water saving stuff (just to avoid it going into the septic tank). So yuck.

It's a typical day of work. Too much to do, and not enough time. I sat down with my boss and worked on a plan to get us caught up. It's a long story, but we are behind on a lot of stuff. It's bad enough to where I am ready to move on. I've done some job hunting. It's all preliminary right now, but it could quickly escalate if things don't get better. I'm not a quitter, but...

In church yesterday, Mal Utleye spoke. He actually works with a missions project in Moldova. He shared about their work, and I was rather captivated. I understood his passion. He said a few things that stuck out to me. At one point, he seemed to be looking at me when he said: "Do you have a passion? God gave it to you!"

And in essence, at one point, he said he was still working with this program because "who was he to say no when God said yes?"

I was blown away.

We give so many excuses for why we don't serve God, or why we aren't out there working and living for God.

We're saying no.

Who are we to say no?

I need to digest all this some more. It just blows my mind....in a good way, of course.

Baby Rose

2008-08-22T08:05:00.000-04:00

Somedays it's just the little things in life that speak to you in a powerful way. Today, it's my baby rose.

Lemme 'splain.

In May, someone gave all of us comms girls a potted rose. I loved it, but eventually it started to die. There were four small plants in the pot, and I wanted it on my desk.

I watered it. I took care of it. I rotated it, so that it would get sun from the window by my desk. And for all my efforts, one by one, the rose plants died.

The last one was looking wretched when I left for Mexico. I asked my office-mate, Apryl, to water it for me while I was gone, but I honestly expected to come back and find it dead.

When I got back, the thing had grown 6-8 inches! And a week later, it had the startings of a bud.

Today when I came in, it had slightly opened, as you can see in the picture.

Quite frankly, I was very encouraged by seeing something so beautiful. It's wonderful to have something like that on your desk. It's beautiful, and makes me smile.

Like I started, some days, it's the little blessings that get to you. The little things that are God's way of saying, "I love you enough to know that this is something that will be special to you today, and I love you enough to give it to you, my child."

Amazing! And humbling. And ... wow.

It just blows my mind.

Oh Happy Day...

2008-08-21T16:01:00.001-04:00

This morning, Jen came in with a smile and said that it was going to be a good day. And it was. :)

I needed one.

Hi-ho, Hi-ho, It's Off to Work I Go...

2008-08-20T08:54:00.000-04:00

...or should I say, it's where I'm at? I'm not a big fan of work; I'm more into the retirement thing. I want to just skip the 20+ years of service (or slavery, depending on how you look at it) and just go straight into easy living. That just sounds like heaven to me. Sign me up, please!

We had Bible Study last night. There are benefits to going to two different studies: you get deeper into two different passages, you get two perspectives, it's just an overall win-win situation. It's extra time for sure, and it means that if I want dinner, I've gotta buy it somewhere or go hungry, but that's a small price to pay to hear the Word of God, right?

I think that the first one was pretty interesting. We were talking about our testimonies last night, which was definitely a good topic, especially for this age group. In church this Sunday, Pastor Acker said that we lose perhaps 75% of this demographic. Honestly, to have people thinking in Bible Study about their testimony is a really good thing. Plus, it's always encouraging to hear others share their testimony as well.

We went to Doughnut Connection afterwards. I honestly probably should have gone home and straight to bed (goodness knows I'm tired enough to sleep a full day!), but it was Kirsten's last night before she heads off to college, and Meghan was there, so I was like...okay. And Becky's not sure about next Tuesday; she's leaving to go back to college on Wednesday. So I really kindof had to go. It was nice, because Greg did treat us girls to ice cream...he's cool like that.

Anibal helped me with a few Spanish questions that I had. My stack of books is beyond ridiculous. My facebook status yesterday was "Holly is probably the only nerd you know who is excited about studying Spanish grammar." And I think that's true.

On a happy note, the thumb that I slammed in the car door last Thursday is not as swollen as it was. I slammed it in the door so hard that it bruised on both sides...all the way through. It's still all kinds of - well, I was going to say "pretty colors," but that depends on your point of view. It's colorful for sure, but not as swollen, thank goodness.

I talked to Pastor Fields about Mexico. He and I were talking about the trip that is scheduled for November, which I am a confirmed member of that team! I am so excited about that...I can hardly wait to go back. I honestly have a lot on my mind regarding Mexico. It's almost bordering on an obsession. I'd rather be thinking about Mexico than other things, though.

Had an interesting conversation last night with Pastor Fields and Danielle. Eric Carson came in the kitchen where we were talking about Mexico, and the subject ended up shifting. He was emphasizing that you need to marry someone who is going to make you stronger as a Christian. Not someone you pull forward, or that merely pulls you along, but that you both help each other in your walk with Christ. I hate to use this, but it seemed that he was implying that there was almost a sense of equality in Christ (although not specifically said ... the idea was that you were marrying someone who was on the same plane as you, so you are dealing with a lot of the same things, as opposed to a brand new Christian marrying someone who had been saved 20 years and was a veritable Bible guru and is living in Christ). My thought process is failing me in writing this down, but it really said a lot to me.

It's a matter of holding out for my idea of him. It's one of the most frustrating things in the world to have people ask, why are you still single? Trust me, if I had an answer for that, I'd not be single, right? Or I'd at least fix that "problem."

I'm picky. Very. But that's a good thing. It means I'm not going to fall for the first charmer that comes along. True, I may stumble momentarily, but I will wait. And I still am.

How I ended this with relationship stuff I don't know. But I think that's enough rambling for the moment. Back to work, like the "dirty little slave" I am. :)

Barely Awake

2008-08-19T08:16:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here at work this morning, trying to keep my head up. I'm pretty tired this morning and really don't want to be up and at work. I slept hard last night, but not enough.

I was dreaming about Mexico. I dreamt that I was back, and I saw Margarita (who attended the in-home Bible Study I was part of) and I saw baby Daniella. But I didn't see Tanya, or Domingo. I don't think that I saw Domingo's mother, Elisia.

It was actually rather scary to me. I woke, afraid for all of them. It's scary, because if they aren't reached out to, then when we go back, excited to work with them, they will not be there. They need to be reached out to. They need that hand to pull them lovingly towards God, and help guide them on that path.

I fear for them. I know how hard it can be even with encouragement, with others who are pushing you God-ward. To be in a place where there's really not a lot of help and encouragement (or at least, from what I saw, there wasn't much) is unfathomable to me.

I know that Jorge is reaching out to them as he best can. I know that he felt the burden for them, because we were in the same Bible Study group. He saw the hand of God in their lives, and I know that he wants to reach out to them in a special way. I don't know ... I just fear for them.

That's a good thing I guess. It will keep me praying for sure. :) Not that all my pictures on my desk don't remind me, but a good healthy fear for them is even better.

Picture from the Bible Study. L-R, Jorge, Pastor John Fields, Danielle Fields, Domingo, Tanya, Daniel Neuberger, Margarita, Elisia, baby Daniella. Not pictured, me the photographer.

On a mundane note, we put new dressers in my room last night. I'm worn out because we had to assemble them, unload the old dresser, take it out, reload the new dresser. I'm glad to have it, don't get me wrong, but not when it involves working on setting it up after my bedtime. So I'm a bit grumpy today. Not good.

On a happy note, Bible study tonight. We've got the Lexington Park-oriented group at 5.30 pm at the Coffee Quarter, and then the Leonardtown-oriented one at 8.00 at Field's house. So both should be good. Aaron Malone is running the Lexington Park one this week, because Dean Newman will be out. And Kevin Fitting will be running the L-town one as usual. Both should be good.

Anywhoo ... time to go be a useful "member of society." Honestly, I think I'll pass.

Threats Become Reality

2008-08-18T11:43:00.000-04:00

I've threatened to keep a blog for a long time. I've really needed to keep up with the whole journaling thing too! So I've decided that it's time to get my presence out in the blogging world again. So here goes.

No more idle threats.